Hey anyone know what Jordan Prince is up to these days? Probably just out in St. Charles looking weird and strangling babies because they have the nerve to be all loud when you’re trying to eat a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. You know how he do!!

According to reports, Jordan L. Prince, 24, was charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a child and second-degree murder on Thursday.

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We’re not sure who got to play the Chris Hansen part, but we do know the sting worked as 23 year-old Mohammad Teimoortagh of St. Charles is in custody on Attempted Sexual Trafficking of a Child, Attempted Statutory Rape and several other horrible charges.

Though as you can tell by the mugshot, he’s not worried. “Hey yo! Solissatatin’ a minor?! Fagetta ’bout it! It’s one of those tings ya know? I’m horny, yadda yadda yadda, I might have tried to proposition a 14 year old. Bada big, I’m in here. What? You wanna do something about it?!” We know he’s a midwesterner of apparently middle eastern descent, but that picture screams New York accent to us. Whatever, just go with it.

We interrupt your Monday to bring you Fredbird doing motorcycle stunts at Big St Charles Motorsports over the weekend, because…well…it’s weird. It would have been weird and awesome, but someone took two tries to complete the post-stunt high five.

This is the kind of crazy stuff we get in the Punching Kitty inbox.

Dustin Mass and Matt Haney of St. Charles needed some heroin the other day at 3am, and you can clearly tell from the mugshots above these two dudes are in to heroin. Heroin is a killer, but first it forces you to get a cheap haircut and makes you think that stupid facial hair decisions are awesome ideas you should stick with. Scary stuff. Anyway, what’s the plan? Maybe you wander down by the neighborhood Red Roof Inn and see what’s the see (by “see” we mean “steal”).

If you’ve ever made the poor choice to get a massage at a place in St. Charles owned by a guy that looks like the standard Law and Order rapist, then congrats on being a movie star! …well not all of you. Some of you ladies are unattractive enough that he probably threw away the tape after you left, or maybe didn’t even bother to turn the secret camera on. Lucky you! You always said that someday you’d lose 50 lbs and get that goiter removed, but you hesitated. Maybe because you knew somehow…or maybe you just love all food within an arm’s reach. Regardless you’re safe, sorry hot chicks.

The St. Charles County Drug Task Force has been working diligently to find and stop meth production in St. Charles and they recently announced the results of their six-month investigation: They found 3 meth labs. Anyone that lives west of a bridge drives past 4 meth labs on their way to work each morning, but that’s great St. Charles. Three’s better than none…or one…or two. That’s it though. Those are the only three things it’s better than. …ok, watching “Today in St. Louis” is pretty rough. We’ll say that’s the fourth thing, but that’s all!

A St. Charles County court recently sentenced Alexander Long, 23, to 41 months in federal prison and not only is he skinny, but he’s got a head of hair even Full House’s Uncle Jesse would be jealous of.

The only thing we can imagine Alex being guilty of is having a fantastic head of hair of black slik spun from the gods themselves, but there’s some other stuff like threatening a judge and his family. Nothing he couldn’t have gotten out of with one of those quick look back moves like on Charlie’s Angels.

Yesterday we brought you the absurd tale of one Laura Coppinger, the once Sugar Plum Fairy in the St. Charles annual Christmas pageant that was fired on grounds that she cussed at a standard city employee drug screening. Cussing, apparently even while not in character, is a big no-no for St. Charles’ Christmas staff as stated in the sounds fake, but apparently all too real, “Christmas Traditions Code of Conduct”. Obviously this is absurd! It’s one thing to be fired over cussing while in costume surrounded by kids, but it’s quite another story if you are out and about looking very un fairy-like and decide to cuss on your own free time. But while St. Charles is clearly a city with a large stick up their ass, we’re now wondering: Was she really dimed out and fired for spontaneous cussing away from work, or was it because her other performing gigs involve a little less costume and a lot more skin?

Update: We’ve found some interesting new information with the other character she plays while not being the Sugar Plum Fairy. Her other character is considerably more naked, which is awesome.

Original post follows…

We learned two new things today: St. Charles has an annual Christmas pageant, and the Sugar Plum Fairy has a dirty dirty mouth…and it’s not from that yellow snow she accidentally ate over by the reindeer barn.

Laura Coppinger worked with Christmas Traditions for six years, and spent five of them as the Sugar Plum Fairy. She says she even spent some of her own money to make improvements to the wings on her costume.

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Update: We had a super-quick Twitter interview with the man himself. Check it out below!

St. Peters motorists yesterday evening were shocked after their eyes focused on the lilly white blur in the lane next to them. A naked dude on a motorcycle was seen heading east down Interstate 70, around the Cave Springs area, presumably heading MidRivers Mall or possibly Costco since jeans are really cheap there.