Jim Edmonds Retired

Oh no way! The Cardinals just signed Edmonds! Isn’t he 40 now and has been hurt constantly for the last two years? Well he could help be a leader and a left-handed bat off the…oh wait. He just retired…never mind! With the weather being as nice as it is, everyone rock the half-shirt on Saturday in honor of Edmonds…it’s either that or go to his restaurant, but its a little expensive and a lot douchey. [Read More]

Kyle Lohse Has a New Tattoo

Cardinals starting pitcher Kyle Lohse arrived at Spring Training the other day sporting some new ink. Let us guess! Some sort of baseball that’s flying so fast the cover is coming off of it? Ding! Ding! Ding! How’d we guess?! Oh yeah, every pitcher that thinks tats are a good idea get something about a ball’s cover coming off. They must be big fans of The Sandlot or something. Lohse has a scar the length of his forearm curving from his elbow toward his wrist. [Read More]

Cardinals Sign Jim Edmonds…Wait What?!

MLB Trade Rumors is reporting that the Cardinals…our Cardinals, the St. Louis Cardinals, have signed Jim Edmonds. The same one as before. Not one from a time machine, the one from this year, the one that was about to retire like a week ago. It appeared likely that Edmonds would retire last weekend, but the 40-year-old is returning for an 18th season in the major leagues. Eight of those seasons came in St. [Read More]

Brad Penny Was Totally Going to Pitch For the Cardinals in the Playoffs, but Well, You Know

Former Cardinal and perma-injured starting pitcher Brad Penny has been 20 times more interesting this off-season that he was in his official time as a Cardinal. To review, Penny signed with the Cardinals and pitched nine games all season. He hit a grad slam in that ninth game and never came back. Brillant! It’s a theatre technique called a “black out”. Look it up. Since the season’s conclusion, Penny has filled his time by whining on Twitter and getting dumped on by everyone. [Read More]

The Cardinals Welcome Former Astro Lance Berkman

Teammates and the press call him “Big Puma”, “Fat Elvis” or maybe just Lance, but now he’s also called a Cardinal after Lance Berkman signed a one year, $8 Million dollar deal. [Berkman] The 34-year-old first baseman-outfielder is a five-time NL All-Star with the Astros and last year batted .248 with Houston and the New York Yankees, finishing with 14 homers and 58 RBIs. Berkman was traded to the Yankees on July 31 and helped them win the wild card. [Read More]

What Will Happen With Pujols?

That’s the big question for the Cardinals and their fans this offseason: What will happen with Albert Pujols, arguably major league baseball’s best player, and who is less than a year from being a free agent and possibly leaving the Cardinals. The guys at Cards Diaspora asked this question to some knowledgable and handsome folks and complied their answers in their post…what’s this? Is our fearless editor, the ruggedly handsome and slighty more popular than the WikiLeaks guy, Mike Flynn included in the list of notables as Tim McKernan and Deadspin’s Wil Leitch? [Read More]

Cardinals Prepare to Ship Out Shortstop Brendan Ryan

The quirky Cardinals shortstop that’s had a permanent reservation at Tony LaRussa‘s dog house appears to be on his way out of St. Louis. After the Cardinals acquired ex-Cub Ryan Theriot from the Dodgers, the writing has been on the wall for Brendan Ryan, the mustachioed gentleman in the photo to the right taken a year ago when one of the local clubs had its douchebag collection on public display. [Read More]

Pujols Gets 2MVP (2nd Most Valuable Player) Award for 2010 Season

The Cardinals’ Albert Pujols lost the vote for the 2010 National League MVP, coming in second to the Reds’ Joey Votto, but did get his 8th consecutive top 10 finish, putting him only behind Barry “Yeah, right there. Shove it in my ass!” Bonds who had 9. Though Pujols was next in line, the vote was hardly close with Pujols only getting one 1st place vote. A vote that ESPN.com made sure to call out the scribe that cast it: [Read More]

Brad Penny is Sorry for Being a Dead-Beat Pitcher

Brad Penny, he of his hot girlfriend, perfectly square head and a handful of games as a Cardinal in 2010, took to Twitter yesterday to say he’s sorry for not being around much this year. He’ll tell you what though! Next time, he’s going to pick us all up one weekend, take us for ice cream, go to a movie, and then the park! Anything you want Cardinal fans, it’ll be your day! [Read More]

St. Louis Cardinals are the Second-Best Real Estate on MLB Monopoly

A few years ago the people of Milton Bradley decided to turn out their little mustachioed real estate mogul and let any old brand, knock off that top hat and go to town on the Monopoly Man. The latest brand to take a ride on the “hope you don’t realize this is the same game as the last 45 incarnations” train is Major League Baseball. The only intrigue when they churn out a new Monopoly game is what parts of the theme are worthy of Boardwalk and what crap do they throw down on the ghetto by the jail that is St. [Read More]