Tony and Albert Looked a Little Freaked Out at Saturday’s Game

 Posted on May 23, 2011  |  The Editor

What the hell had Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa so spooked in these Getty Image photos from Saturday’s game versus the Kansas City Royals? A: It was just at that moment that someone realized that the freaking Rod Barajas is currently out-hitting Pujols. B: They were both just told that the new movie “Beaver” isn’t exactly what they thought it was, and was actually about a crazy old racist actor trying to make a comeback with a puppet, instead of what we all really want to see him do to turn his career around, Air America 2. [Read More]
albert pujols  baseball  cardinals  tony larussa  weird 

Sam Mellinger Smells Like Poop and He Probably Rapes Bunnies

 Posted on May 21, 2011  |  The Editor

Sam Mellinger, Brandon Phillips called. He wants his bit back. Friday, just before the beginning of the twice-yearly snooze-fest that is the Cardinals playing the Royals, a series that might as well be the World Series to the craptastic (though, admittedly more talented than usual) Kansas City Royals, the Kansas City Star choose to run a link-bait piece ripping St. Louis by Sam Mellinger. It really wasn’t all that original, and frankly was kinda sad since their St. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  royals  sam mellinger 

Not News: Stupid Cincinnati Radio Show Has Stupid Contest About LaRussa

 Posted on May 19, 2011  |  The Editor

We’re loving all the Cardinals vs Reds stuff over the past year. It has real potential to get good rather than that stupid “We just respect each other too much.” rivalry with the Astros a few years back. The problem is that Tony LaRussa and Walt Jocketty are still buddies and that friendship is really holding this whole thing back. Take this recent business with the Cincinnati radio station doing a contest bit making fun of LaRussa’s on-going spat with shingles. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  cincinnati  marty brennanman  reds 

Ryan Franklin Shaves Beard, Only Finds More Horribleness Underneath

 Posted on April 25, 2011  |  The Editor

Well, you’re chin is the last place we would look for more pitching ability and apparently Ryan Franklin has finally reached that point, shaving of his famous goatee. So that’s how we’re going to play it this year huh Franklin? Times get tough and you lop off trademark-able facial hair? (ahem) We wouldn’t do it. Maybe we were fans of the Oklahoma Sooners (just an example) and whenever they had a bad game would we’d go out an shave the mane off the mascot? [Read More]
baseball  beard  cardinals  celebrity  ryan franklin 

We Know the Reason For the Crappy Start of Franklin and Pujols

 Posted on April 13, 2011  |  The Editor

11 games in to the Cardinals 2010 season and for two prominent Cardinal members we have the following lines: Ryan Franklin: 9.82 ERA, 1 Save, 4 Earned Runs in 3.2 innings Albert Pujols: .182 Average, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, in 44 at bats It’s early of course, but these ugly starts have been over-analyzed already by every sports talking head both in and out of town, but they’re all wrong. Who has the real answer? [Read More]
albert pujols  baseball  cardinals  ryan franklin 

Jim Edmonds Retired

 Posted on February 18, 2011  |  The Editor

Oh no way! The Cardinals just signed Edmonds! Isn’t he 40 now and has been hurt constantly for the last two years? Well he could help be a leader and a left-handed bat off the…oh wait. He just retired…never mind! With the weather being as nice as it is, everyone rock the half-shirt on Saturday in honor of Edmonds…it’s either that or go to his restaurant, but its a little expensive and a lot douchey. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  jim edmonds  mlb  retirement 

Kyle Lohse Has a New Tattoo

 Posted on February 15, 2011  |  The Editor

Cardinals starting pitcher Kyle Lohse arrived at Spring Training the other day sporting some new ink. Let us guess! Some sort of baseball that’s flying so fast the cover is coming off of it? Ding! Ding! Ding! How’d we guess?! Oh yeah, every pitcher that thinks tats are a good idea get something about a ball’s cover coming off. They must be big fans of The Sandlot or something. Lohse has a scar the length of his forearm curving from his elbow toward his wrist. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  kyle lohse  mlb  spring training  tattoo 

Cardinals Sign Jim Edmonds…Wait What?!

 Posted on February 4, 2011  |  The Editor

MLB Trade Rumors is reporting that the Cardinals…our Cardinals, the St. Louis Cardinals, have signed Jim Edmonds. The same one as before. Not one from a time machine, the one from this year, the one that was about to retire like a week ago. It appeared likely that Edmonds would retire last weekend, but the 40-year-old is returning for an 18th season in the major leagues. Eight of those seasons came in St. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  jim edmonds  mlb 

Brad Penny Was Totally Going to Pitch For the Cardinals in the Playoffs, but Well, You Know

 Posted on January 31, 2011  |  The Editor

Former Cardinal and perma-injured starting pitcher Brad Penny has been 20 times more interesting this off-season that he was in his official time as a Cardinal. To review, Penny signed with the Cardinals and pitched nine games all season. He hit a grad slam in that ninth game and never came back. Brillant! It’s a theatre technique called a “black out”. Look it up. Since the season’s conclusion, Penny has filled his time by whining on Twitter and getting dumped on by everyone. [Read More]
baseball  brad penny  cardinals  mlb  tigers 

The Cardinals Welcome Former Astro Lance Berkman

 Posted on December 6, 2010  |  The Editor

Teammates and the press call him “Big Puma”, “Fat Elvis” or maybe just Lance, but now he’s also called a Cardinal after Lance Berkman signed a one year, $8 Million dollar deal. [Berkman] The 34-year-old first baseman-outfielder is a five-time NL All-Star with the Astros and last year batted .248 with Houston and the New York Yankees, finishing with 14 homers and 58 RBIs. Berkman was traded to the Yankees on July 31 and helped them win the wild card. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  lance berkman  mlb