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An 18-year-old man checked himself in to the Franklin County jail to serve his 30-day sentence, but he came with a little extra luggage…duct taped and tucked in to his ass. Here’s a hint as to what the tried to smuggle in: It wasn’t a sandwich, which is too bad because a sandwich sounds like a great thing to smuggle in. Just go with one of those stinkier cheeses and you probably won’t even notice the ass taste. [Read More]

Update: Added Punching Kitty.com What follows is a list of the major players in local St. Louis media along with the reasons why they suck and what they can do to suck less. This is us giving back and you’re welcome everyone. We won’t even feel bad when you do some of this stuff in a few months and don’t bother to credit us. STLToday.com This is going to be a continuing theme on this list, but STLToday is the biggest offender: Stop pretending the rest of the internet doesn’t exist. [Read More]

Was there ever a greater school day joy in a young child’s life greater than when you walked in to class to find a substitute teacher? Sure it didn’t always turn out great. You got your fair share of “Maybe if I’m really hard on the kids they’ll make me in to a real teacher!” subs, but most of the time you got some guy that just wanted you to be quiet and watch this barely educational move while he leaned back is his borrowed chair and think what’s he going to do with that tiny tiny pay check he was going to get…and then there’s the substitues that bring tasers to school. [Read More]

“Oh Punching Kitty! You guys are always so down on St. Louis, but this headline is the worst yet. You know full well that you can stop in St. Louis and you won’t get robbed! This is a huge important city with lots of food trucks, and yes there is crime, but it’s not nearly as bad as you make it out to be! Why don’t you do positive stories about St. [Read More]

Update: The slideshow has since been fixed by KSDK, and you’re welcome DL Hughley! Original post follow… Is this DL Hughley? Anyone? Eh, close enough. I remembered he was black…and a comedian…how many of them can there be? Good try KSDK, but a whiff for sure. One might ask: “Why the hell is local news channel KSDK making incorrect slide shows concerning the cast of a long-running national reality show that airs on a different local affiliate? [Read More]

Teen pregnancy is declining in St. Charles County everyone! It’s also declining nationally by about the same rate, but that must just be some crazy coincidence because stuff is really going well out in St. Charles County. That many Applebee’s can’t be wrong! From 1990 to 2000, there were nearly 23 percent fewer teen pregnancies in the county. For teens ages 15 to 17, the number dropped more than 50 percent. [Read More]

This morning KMOX posted a story about a Wright City, Missouri man was hoarding a stash of panties, sex toys, and “feminine hygiene products” he allegedly acquired from various burglaries. They also make mention of the man’s new nickname (emphasis ours)… A 19 year-old eastern Missouri man has a new nickname after police found him hoarding 59 pairs of women’s underwear along with female clothing, sex toys, photographs and feminine hygiene products in his bedroom. [Read More]

There are 425 different bird species that live in Creve Coeur Park, a 2,145 acre park that contains a 325 acre lake and a large wetlands area and is home to countless other animals. It’s a peaceful place where area residents can come to escape the strip mall that is Creve Coeur and instead look at a bird or two while contemplating the beauty of nature…but f*ck all that sh*t! Lets put a zip line up in that bitch! [Read More]

Another man was gunned down at a MetroLink station last Friday, but lets not focus on that says a MetroLink spokesman, lets focus on all the times people don’t die! Pay no attention to the woefully inadequate security guard, security is fine! Metro officials say they spend millions each year on security, with dispatchers monitoring all 37 platforms all day and night. Quoting how much you spend each year isn’t a good defense to the argument that security sucks…it just proves you wasted a lot of money during the suckage. [Read More]

Nearly a month ago we told you how Bridgeton, Missouri stinks. Like for realz stinks. It still stinks today, but at least area residents can metaphorically breathe easy after officials from the Department of Natural Resources released a statement saying that the stink wasn’t life threatening, but also confirmed that “the city who smelt it, dealt it.” On Friday, the Department of Natural Resources quietly released a brief summary of air sampling results on its website. [Read More]