PUNCHING KITTY

A roving group of thugs went around south St. Louis Friday and eventually kicked the crap out of two men, giving the south side of St. Louis a little taste of what life is like on the north side of town.

St. Louis Metropolitan Police said the group assaulted their first victim in the 7400 block of Virginia. Witnesses told police a 42-year- old man was collecting cans when the teenagers approached him and without provocation began to punch and kick him. The man was not injured and refused medical attention.

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You are walking around the Schnucks, you know the one…its not like super nice, but its not too ghetto.  There are lots of nicer ones, but this one is the closest non-ghetto one so you go there, but if you really want good quality food, or you need someone to take your order at the lunch meat counter without wasting 20 minutes of your time talking to her friend at the seafood counter then you go to a nicer one, but for milk and bread this one works.

Watch out Rams, apparently you can get fined now for stinking.

A state court jury in Jackson County, Mo., returned an $11 million verdict Thursday against industrial hog producers Premium Standard Farms Inc., a subsidiary of Smithfield Foods, and the privately held ContiGroup Cos. (previously Continental Grain) in favor of residents living near the defendants’ 4,300-acre factory hog farm in northern Missouri.

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Check out these cropped screencaps of a few of the photos the St. Louis Post Dispatch took of music legend Chuck Berry getting a tour of his old high school.

Wearing that damn hat.

What is up with that thing?  Did someone tell him that’s a sweet hat, so he’s rolling with it thinking he looks cool?  Did he take a boat or dingy to his old high school?  Will no one tell Chuck Berry he looks like an ass?  We’re pretty sure he knows it’s on his head since he seems like he can see his reflection in that first post.  Maybe right there he was like “Damn it.  Who put this stupid thing on me? I can’t take it off now though, I gotta just roll with it.”

St. Louis has another casino.  Let me guess, its name has “arch”, “gateway” or “river” in it.

The [River City] casino opened after a parade and ceremonies where St. Louis Cardinals’ baseball Hall of Famer Ozzie Smith pulled a lever on an oversized slot machine to officially open the doors. The 90,000 square foot casino game floor features more than 2,000 slot machines and 55 table games.

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Maybe you haven’t heard because you only use your computer for Facebook and sending people eCards and viruses, but Google threw it out there a few weeks ago that they are trying to get in to the crazy-fast internet service game and basically said “Hey, United States cities?  You want it?  Show me what you got.” Which prompted just about every city in the union to lose their shit trying to convince Google to go to the internet prom with them.  Hell, Topeka, Kansas basically became that first groupie to go down on Google, not because they are slutty, they just want to show Google how much they mean to them, by “changing” their city’s name to Google, Kansas.  Whore.

The recently relaunched Vital Voice magazine has slowly been releasing videos under the Vital Vision brand on YouTube and although they’ve all been good, nothing beats their latest: “9 Chicken Wings + Dieta Pepsi”

Ms Dieta Pepsi, expect a call or email from us.  You seem like the greatest interview of all time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to try to figure out what category this post should fall in to.  This could take a while.

Hey St. Louis bloggers that didn’t get featured by the Riverfront Times!  At best you are only the 14th best blogger in St. Louis.  That must suck for you.  We are anywhere between the 1st and the 13th (must be on the 1st side of things though because I mean…jesus.  Just look at us. Pure. Sex.)

Punching Kitty is St. Louis’ answer to Gawker, a kindred sprit in snarkiness, with a special affinity for media folly. Mike Flynn, a web developer for Announce Media, comes home from his day job to dish-up thrice-daily dispatches poking fun at local news — and the characters who set the agenda.

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What is the world coming to when we can’t even trust ladies that take their clothes off and grind their snizz against diseased brass polls and diseased old dude’s faces in the worst city in America for a stack of dollar bills that looks like a lot to them but adds up to $23 dollars if you know math to be a good mother’s to their children?!

KSDK debuted their all new “I’m Just Sayin’” segment where they apparently allow any one that has been on the radio to talk about mindless and poorly thought out things on TV.

This idea can’t fail.

When asked for a comment on how letting random people blather on about their biased opinions on a news program sounded like a good idea, a KSDK spokesman replied “Look, everyone else has been bending over the ghost of actual journalism and repeatedly fisting it for a while now.  Its time News Channel 5 gloves up and gets a handful.”