PUNCHING KITTY

Aaron “I’m horrible but plucky” Miles manning third base? Randy Winn?! The Astros have nothing. They should be the ones playing Randy Winn and Miles! Oh did you miss the game? It didn’t go well. This is how I will sum it up for you: Aaron. Miles. Pitching. 18-4 Astros. The Cardinals are freaking terrible. Yes, we are right there atop the division, but so what? Are the playoffs really that cool when you just get blasted out of them right when you walk in? [Read More]

Editor’s Note: Here’s another great bit from guest contributor Lance (see his previous work here) If you have any interest in guest authoring a post here, drop me a line at [email protected] It’s hot in St. Louis. Real hot. How hot? It’s so hot that: Forest Park has been renamed Savannah Park Talk 97.1 is airing a special on the dangers of Global Warming The Penguin & Puffin Coast attraction at the zoo is now a fried chicken stand [Read More]

A community pool in Belleville had to shut down yesterday, during one of the hottest days ever in the history of time. Sure the water felt nice on such a hot day, but did it feel puking and parasite nice? Not sure. Maybe just invest in a Slip n’ Slide. The health department told the city to use more chlorine after one swimmer became sick. After that, three more swimmers became ill. [Read More]

Could retired Arizona Cardinals quarterback and St. Louis demi-god, Kurt Warner, is rumored to be in the next set of has-beens/trying-to-bes on the ABC show Dancing With the Stars. Kurt Warner, formerly of Arizona and St. Louis, who is reportedly under consideration for the fall season of DWTS. So reports Lisa de Moraes, the Washington Post’s television columnist from the annual summer critics tour. While DWTS has previously hosted running backs (Emmitt Smith), wide receivers (Jerry Rice) and defensive linemen (Warren Sapp) , Warner would be the first quarterback to be a contestant on the show. [Read More]

“You know what? Screw it! I’m going to buy them!” “I think that’s against the rules.” “Nah. I can get around them.” “Ok, so you are serious? Because someone already said that they wanted to buy them.” “Screw that guy, I’m going to buy them.” “Eh…I guess we can change the rules…” “Yeah, change them.” “Good point. Ok, we’ll change them. That will be $600 Million dollars please.” “I only have half. [Read More]

Yesterday St. Louis had two movie-style crimes take place. One from a comedy and one basically from Heat but without Val Kilmer.

At 10a yesterday the Medicine Shoppe on Grand by City Diner had a man barge in with a gun demanding a bottle of oxycontin. Despite is weapon induced upper-hand, when chased by employees, the man ran down the street right past the police who turned around and caught the junkie.

On the other side of the scale, dudes with automatic weapons and cool black robbin’ costumes jumped an armored car taking the cash and leaving the guards duct taped up in the back.

[Read More]

Well kinda. It’s more like the real first pitch that goes to a celebrity at a ballgame and then the 14 other “first pitches” that they give out to retarded children. Guess which one St. Louis is in that metaphor? The buddy-cop comedy is set in New York, so the Big Apple gets the first bite, on Aug. 4. But the next day, Will and Mark will jet to St. [Read More]

Over the weekend, the Rams’ #1 draft pick, quaterback Sam Bradford finally signed his contract and it was for a lot of money. A believe the parlance is a “panty dropping amount”. No. 1 overall draft pick Sam Bradford agreed to a six-year, $78 million contract with the St. Louis Rams Friday night, with $50 million in guaranteed money. The Rams and the former Oklahoma quarterback concluded negotiations in time for the first full-squad workout, set for Saturday. [Read More]

A few hours before the Major League Baseball trading deadline passed, the Cardinals brass pulled the trigger on a three-team deal that brought back a pitching prospect from the San Diego Padres and veteran starting picture Jake Westbrook from the Cleveland Indians while sending right-fielder Ryan Ludwick to the Padres in return.

Everyone is pissed. Well not everyone…Jake Westbrook is stoked.

“I’m excited to go to a club that’s contending for a playoff spot and pitch in some meaningful ballgames,” Westbrook said. “That’s why you play the game, to get a chance to play in the playoffs and I look forward to doing that.”

Well that’s nice. Good for him. Get really for a cold clammy welcome Jake!

Compared to the views within the walls of Busch Stadium, those fan tweets are nearly cheers.

Asked if he was surprised by the deal, Chris Carpenter waited 12 seconds before responding.

“The loss of Ludwick is something that surprised me,” the ace eventually said. “In turn, you have to give up something to get something. Unfortunately it was Ryan. … I can only speak for myself and not for everybody else. It’s nice to acquire a guy like Westbrook, and it’s hard to lose a guy like Ludwick. There’s no question.”

He paused five seconds.

“It will be interesting to see.”

Cold vibes coming from Carpenter, but the off-the-record Cardinal quotes Joe Strauss got are much better:

[Read More]

Yes it’s a little old, but St. Louisan and star of AMC’s popular show Mad Men, John Hamm, appeared on one of our favorite web shows: Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis “The women in the show sure are very pretty.” “Yes, very much so.” “Do you ever get around to fingering any of them?” “Do you mean like identifying them in a line-up?” More episodes featuring people you don’t care about because they aren’t from St. [Read More]