PUNCHING KITTY

We’re a little late to the party on this one, but according to the Post Dispatch‘s Deb “Every Once in a While I Write Something Interesting” Peterson, Shaq, after being in town for Pujols’ charity kegger (Crazy night! Right Danny Mac?!) he proposed to his girlfriend right here in old St. Louis! After leaving the mother of your children and wife of seven years though, you can’t date and marry just anyone. [Read More]

A Metrolink security guard was the only injury after being grazed by a bullet early Tuesday at the Shrewsbury Metrolink station. The bullet came from his own gun. This guy either spent lonely night after lonely night noodling the fringes of physics or is so dumb he eats his own poop. When we contacted the National Dumbass Security Guard Union, they only replied with “This is why we usually only give them flashlights. [Read More]

“I love Detroit.” That was former Kansas City Royal, Oakland Athletic, Boston Red Sox, New York Yankee and current Detroit Tiger Johnny Damon ****yesterday after turning down a chance to be traded back to the Boston Red Sox team he helped bring a World Series Championship to in 2004 after sweeping the Car…ugh. Blockquote to break the painful memory anyone? The Red Sox claimed Damon on waivers this week, but he had the right to veto a move to Boston because of a no-trade clause in his contract. [Read More]

How’s work going? Boring? Someone yell at you today about nothing? How’s your microwaved lunch taste? Not great I bet. Look out the window…oh. No window? That’s ok, its still just Missouri out there. Let us drop this on you now: Some kid from St. Charles gets to go spend the weekend in Hawaii for the Pokemon Championship. Swish that around you head for a second. William “Dema” Boatman, 10, is ranked No. [Read More]

It’s been a long road for Stan Kroenke to get finally own the worst team in the NFL, but it looks like he might finally get the team. First there was the sudden claim of the team from Shahid Khan, then the NFL rules he had to dodge about cross-city ownership, and after all that, he had to be all like “Dude. I don’t have the money, but I promise I will have it soon. [Read More]

Personally we liked the charm of the odd little building KDHX’s radio operation has been housed in, but they sure didn’t. A big grant and plans for a fund raiser later and they are moving north up Grand to the Grand Center. A long-time volunteer and patron made the anonymous gift in honor of the station’s late manager Larry Weir, who passed away in January,said station spokeswoman Birgit Spears. The move will consolidate KDHX’s radio operations, which have been inside a 100-year-old bakery building at 3504 Magnolia Ave. [Read More]

William Fry of Alton has been charged with Criminal Damage to Property Over $300 and violating a restraining order. Also, if anyone has a comb…no? That’s alright. Thanks for looking. Authorities say Fry’s ex-wife reported to police that extensive damage was done to her home. She was away from her home when the damage was done. Authorities said the damage appeared to have been done by a vehicle being driven into the home. [Read More]

If you didn’t like the last 34 stories about how St. Louis ranks high in crime rate, well guess what?! Still true. Maybe you should move. Don’t move to Camden, NJ though. They are the only place worse than us. Which means the worst has happened…freaking Detroit did better than us in this list. Super. Weak. The newly release book “City Crime Rankings 2009-2010” not only has a great catchy little title, but also lots and lots of PDFs with numbers and letters on them, all saying St. [Read More]

When will the hatred stop? What did these harmless little nocturnal creatures ever do to you? They just want to love you…is that so much to ask? Please leave computer nerds alone 18 year old girls. Laughing when they ask you to the prom is plenty of pain. There’s no need to start crashing your cars through the front windows of computer repair stores! Police said a vehicle smashed into Tony’s Computer Shop in the 1200 block of South Duchesne at about 2:30 p. [Read More]

Well great. How are we supposed to get amazing AA-list celebrities to come to St. Louis now without the Ameristar Casino’s HOME nightclub?! The club announced Sunday it has closed its doors, taking with it the chance to see HOME veterans again like Paris Hilton, Danny Masterson, Kim Kardashion and, talent oozing from every pore, Wilber Valderama…oh god…that’s not talent is it? I think that’s infection left over from Lindsay Lohan. Gross.

Though the press release, sent to a few media outlets on Sunday afternoon, has yet to appear on the Ameristar Press Release page (Update: Its up now. Link.), the Riverfront Times quoted this chunk:

Ameristar Casinos, Inc. has closed HOME Nightclub at Ameristar Casino Resort Spa St. Charles. The venue’s last night of operation was Aug. 22. Ameristar Sr. Vice President and General Manager Jim Franke said that while HOME had met Ameristar’s standards of quality and excellence in becoming one of St. Louis’ premiere nightclubs, the venue was unable to sustain profitability. “We want to thank our guests and appreciated their patronage and loyalty in making HOME one of the top nightclubs not only in the St. Louis area, but throughout the Midwest region,” Franke said. There are no immediate plans to physically change the HOME venue. Franke said Ameristar will continue to use the facility as an exciting high-energy venue for the property’s group sales business. Despite changes to improve the financial performance of HOME – including programming and scheduling formats – the venue was unable to achieve successful financial results, Franke said.

If you can’t turn a profit with $13 vodka tonics, we aren’t sure what else can help you.

The real losers in all of this news are the Jersey Shore kids. They lost one of only a few places that would bring them in to “host” a party. All they have left now is InsideSTL events at Fifteen.

Click through the jump to see photos of the HOME hall of fame.

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