No city knows how to flip a good rule on it’s head, spit on it and kick it in the eye like St. Louis. For instance, earlier in the year we saw someone that “Just said no.” to drugs get shot, and now we have a guy that offered someone a ride home get shot in the neck. In the freaking neck! That’s what you get for looking out for other people’s safety you dick!

The shooting happened in Florissant where [Timothy Rogers] and the victim spent their Sunday night drinking at Olympic Lanes on New Halls Ferry.

When the victim suggested Rogers was unfit to drive home and offered to take him, police say Rogers pulled a gun and shot the would-be Good Samaritan in the throat.

Mr. Roger’s neighborhood has changed quite a bit since we were last there. This Mr. Rogers sounds like after knocking a few back he would have punched that trolly right off that little track and forced himself on all the female puppets. Sure it sounds easy to rape a puppet, and maybe you think they won’t really mind because of how they are totally wide open down there and they usually have lots of people inside them anyway but you’d be wrong. They scream just like you would…well…you have to scream for them, but if you do it in a little voice it makes it seem like they are screaming…look, it’s still a horrible sight. Don’t ask how we know, just trust us.

The 36-year-old victim is hospitalized in stable condition following surgery.

Good. The bad news is, he’s 100% pro drunk driving now. He actually plans to stand around at bars and convince people they haven’t had enough. Hard to blame him.

via KMOX

Update: So we do a random paragraph on puppet rape and that leads to us finding a web series about a rehabilitated puppet rapist: youtube.com/watch?v=-DD0pBgotC0 Thank you internet!