Last year we did our own Mardi Gras “Dos and Don’ts” but we decided to not do it again this year because that last one is still 100% relevant. You could even say “timeless”. Yeah, lets say timeless. It was timeless. Here’s the link again: “Dos and Don’ts For Your Mardi Gras Weekend“

We did however notice that STLToday posted a quick, less boob-focused version this year and we thought that we should run through it real quick to provide some of our expert guidance to our big broke fat media neighbor.

Don’t bring coolers, cans, bottles or backpacks.

This one’s good. You’re just going to lose it anyway.

Do bring your ID.

Also good…unless you’re under age, then bring someone else’s ID. If you’re a dude, you’re going to need to find a brother or someone that looks A LOT like you, but if you’re a cute girl or minority any ole ID will do as most authority figures won’t care (hot chick) or can’t tell the difference (asian guy).

Don’t plan to park in Soulard. Metro is offering a $5 shuttle from the Civic Center Metrolink station to Soulard from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. Passes can be purchased at the MetroRide store; passes are available Saturday at many area Metro transit center locations. Laclede’s Landing is offering a free shuttle from 8 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. from Second Street and Laclede’s Landing Boulevard.

This is a great plan as long as you want to get back within daytime window of time our public transportation runs and you enjoy increasing your travel time three times over and getting puked on by some high school girl, all while paying for the privilege. That being said, parking’s a bitch and we’ve seen people parking as far away as Tower Grove East before trekking to Soulard.

If you’re tweeting from Mardi Gras, tag your tweets with #stlmg and watch for updates from our reporters.

OMG! Yeah! While you’re drinking with your friends and trying to follow that one girl around until she gets real drunk before making your move, make sure you’re checking Twitter for updates from all the STLToday reporters you don’t follow. That definitely sounds like something you’ll do, so don’t forget your hashtags! #stlmg, #mardigras, #drunk, #inthebuttseemslikeagoodidea, #penispic

Dress warm. Forecasts don’t call for the River City Grand Parade to be rained on.

No one likes to be cold, but if you’re a girl just go with a white tshirt and just drink and dance to stay warm. Also, if you get really cold, I hear penises are an excellent way to warm yourself from the inside. (Disregard if you’re fat. Bring a jacket.)

Be a good visitor. Don’t urinate on the streets, sidewalks or houses.

Pee where you want. You are under no obligation to treat that area of town any better than the locals do!

Don’t try to get served alcohol if you are a minor.

Yeah, and bring a good book because obviously you came to Mardi Gras to read and to take photos of the wonderful brick architecture. Oh, they serve drinks down there now as well? We had no idea!

via STLToday