Recently Jon Hamm spilled the beans that he was ready to get the hell out of St. Louis, but we managed to find a few guys that are just dying to get here: four animated bears from the 60’s. Don’t scoff! Tourism is tourism!

We watched this over and over again more times than we’d like to admit and then did a little research. The clip is from 1964’s “Hey There, Yogi Bear!” and we can confirm the bears eventually did figure out how to get to St. Louis. Sadly, one of them (top) was stabbed after trying to score a little half and half from honey in North City (To be clear, Honey was a hooker, and “half and half” is also probably not what you thought.) As for the others…

One was a transgendered and hooked up with the tall one. They are still a couple and recently got a civil union in University City. They take long walks in Forest Park during picnic season and love to visit Just John’s. …what?! Oh, like you’ve never seen a bear at Just John’s?!

The little guy went on to give birth to 5 tiny children, one of them grew up (slightly) to be Cardinal bench player Aaron Miles (Who, between Cardinal stints, was also a Cub.)

In addition to having found a tailor made tourism video, we also found a hidden message embedded in the clip. Is this a sign that our officials shouldn’t but pushing forward with our deal to be a “China Hub” of the future? You decide.

I had a chance to go to Carolina

to be the captain of an ocean liner

(you did)

but when they pointed me to Hong Kong China…

(Did you say yes? Did you say yes?)

I said absolutely no.

Obviously the answer is no. These bears are just racist against Chinese people, which from our understanding was common back in the 60s for all bears. Except panda bears who, of course, hate all Puerto Ricans to this day.