The manager of the Cape Girardeau Sonic has copped to the fact that he was cooking meth in his restaurant.

The former manager of a Sonic restaurant in Cape Girardeau has pleaded guilty to attempting to manufacture methamphetamine at the restaurant.

The Southeast Missourian reported that 27-year-old Dennie Bratcher also pleaded guilty Tuesday to second-degree burglary. Sentencing is March 16.

Those Sonic’s are pretty small, so my first question is where exactly was he making his meth.  Then my mind immediately floats to the awesomeness it must have been for meth heads to drive up and get their meth delivered to them by a girl on roller skates with a side of those awesome Cheddar Bites!

…also now we know why the Banana Slip Blast was so good:

via KSDK

The Globe-Democrat has a message for all you little rich kids that have plenty of money but not enough to buy yourself big enough rocks to buy actual pot:

A local doctor says young adults who smoke K2 or “fake weed” to achieve a similar high as received from smoking marijuana, may suffer serious reactions instead.

K2 is a dried herb legally sold in at least four shops in the St. Louis area in three gram packages for $30 to anyone over the age of 18.

The herb comes in multiple flavors including green apple, summit, pineapple express and strawberry.

Employees who work at shops that carry K2 said it is intended to be burned as incense–but some are smoking the substance to get high.

Well, gosh.  Who would smoke this?  Clearly no one is trying to get little wanna-be pot-heads to smoke this with perfectly benign names like Pineapple Express.  What?  Oh.  I’ve just been told Pineapple Express is a movie about pot.  I stand corrected.

What do the kids think?

One girl from Fort Zumwalt South High School said a lot of students at her school smoke K2 because they are on probation and can’t smoke marijuana.

“It does say not for consumption on the package and that makes me kind of wonder what’s in it,” she said. “But if you don’t smoke more than what’s in the bag you’re fine.”

She added K2 is popular among teens because it is legal and doesn’t show up in drug tests.

Her friend laughed and agreed.

“I can pass a drug test now for once in my life,” he said.

Awesome.  We look forward to being mugged by him in a few years.

Starting now, if you are arrested for selling drugs out of your home in Belleville, IL you will have a sign posted out in front of your house alerting the rest of the neighborhood…or letting the 14 year old white kid down the street know that he doesn’t have to buy his pot in the highschool parking lot after all.

Belleville individuals who are arrested for selling drugs out of their home will now have signs posted near their residence to alert their neighbors, according to the Belleville Police Department.

Some Belleville residents said they were surprised by the sign policy and don’t think it will change anything. “That’s not going to stop the drug problem,” one Belleville woman said. “It’s just going to make the neighborhoods look bad.”

Another Belleville man suggested the signs would make the drug problem worse because they will point people who want to buy drugs directly to a dealer.

Sax said police discussed this possibility and don’t think it’s likely. “How many people are really going to go buy drugs at a house that they know police are watching and know it’s a drug house?” he said.

Good point.  Its just not like someone needing a drug fix to not think clearly!

Frankly this whole thing isn’t worth the money it cost to create the signs.  Let me tell you why.  For one, the signs are only supposed to be up for one day.  Seriously. One day!  What the hell is that going to do? Now that we think about it though, we’d be shocked if a sign actually made it longer than one day outside because, and I’m not sure Belleville’s finest know this, you can just knock a sign over.  Its pretty amazing. You don’t even have to use your hands…you can just kick it if you want.

Also, you know everyone is going to want to steal one of these bad boys and hang it in their basement above to their home bar they totally took like a whole weekend building and it is soooo bitchin! You would not believe the parties we have here bro!  Cra…zy.

via Globe Democrat

You know that package with the baggie of cocaine you were expecting?  Well it was accidentally delivered to the Franklin County Assessor’s Office.

The Union Police Department was contacted Thursday afternoon after a mysterious powdery substance turned up at the Franklin County Assessor’s Office from a Pacific resident. The powdery substance turned out to be a controlled substance.

This story gets better, because apparently the Assessor isn’t exactly hip to the jive.  When he saw the white powder, he didn’t do the tv cop thing where they just stick their finger in there and then taste it. [Editor's Note: That's what she said!] No, he called in HAZMAT!

The Union Fire Department and a Hazmat team responded to secure the substance while the building was placed on lock down.

No no no no…not done yet.  This gets even better!  There was a return address!  On a package with cocaine in it.  The cops called them up and were all like ”Hey dude, you sent us a bag with white powder.  This pussy thought it was Antrax, but it was just cocaine.” and then the guy was like “Yeah, just cocaine.  Wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.” and then the cops were like “Ok, cool.” and hung up.

Brune said the resident who sent the envelope and “powdery substance” was contacted and explained to authorities that there was no implied threat. The person said the bag of drugs was hidden in the envelope without their knowledge.

At this point no charges have been filed because…and its the damnedest thing…they couldn’t find any of the cocaine after the HAZMAT team got in there.  When asked how this could have happened, the HAZMAT team released this statement:

Sowewentintheretohelpoutbutitturnsoutitwasjustcocaine. Butthere’snoneleftbecausewehadto…uh…uh…blowitup. Yeah.  Wehadtoblowitup. Wethoughtitwassomethingelse.  Itsgonenowthoughsothere’snopointinlookinginmycar.

via KSDK

Which Cardinal infielder switched positions and bed mates over the last year or two?

We hear that this player has had lots of fun off the diamond without his wife and apparently isn’t at all shy talking about it.

This same Cardinal also isn’t shy about the amount of time he and 2 of his young-ish Cardinal teammates play in the “snow”.  Maybe all the testing is about ‘roids and not about the party drugs?

Wait, what?

A man who allegedly broke into a house because it was a place to smoke cocaine and “cool off” then spread liquid hand soap about the house before leaving, St. Louis County police said.

Darion J. Ellis, 18, of Florissant, told police he poured the liquid soap throughout the house to clean up after himself, according to the police report.

Weird huh?  Don’t worry the police have it figured out.

Police believe Ellis selected the house randomly and likely was high when he spread the soap inside the home, spokesman Rick Eckhard said.

“Likely was high”?  Solid police work.

Next week we will see a report of a guy shooting his girlfriend, to which the cops will release the following statement:  ”He was likely mad at her about something.”

Via STLToday.com: Crime Beat

According to a national study that was just released, the number of people older than 12 that use meth in this area fell 60% between 2006 and 2008.  Not only that, but the number of people trying meth also dropped 60% as well.

Alright!  High-five cops!

But law enforcement officials took little solace in the numbers.

Awww.  Um…great.  Way to kill the mood.

Now we are happy folk that see the good in these number, but maybe the cops just think that maybe meth heads were too busy to do the survey those years, or the meth death rates jumped up 60% those 2 years.

Eh, wait.  There’s also this:

The number of meth labs and dump sites found in Missouri jumped from 2007 to 2008 after two years of flat numbers. The first six months of 2009 indicate things are getting worse, though still a long way from the dark days in the early 2000s.

“We’re still seeing that there’s a significant problem of methampthetamine use just by the number of meth labs that we’re seizing,” said Cpl. Gerald Williams of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Department. “If they’re still making it, there’s still demand.”

Yes.  There clearly is still a demand, and the recent concert featuring the worst band ever Nickelback, sold out.  Are the two related?

Yes.

Which local pitch man is rumored to have quite a taste for “nice things,” like white, powdery nice things?

…and apparently either doesn’t care that it gets out or is horrible at keeping his own secrets.