According to a lawsuit and as reported by the Post Dispatch, guards in the St. Louis jail (aka “City Wordhouse”) have been making prisoners fight in “gladiator-style” matches. Which is kinda awesome, but wrong of course…because…it’s just…um…OMG tell us about it! Are there swords?!
Some inmates named in the suit were both victim and attacker, the suit claims. Lawyers for those inmates say guards sometimes used promises of special privileges, extra food and snacks to enlist an attacker. Other times, they say, an inmate was himself threatened with attack unless he agreed to fight.
Snacks sounds like a pretty decent reason to fight, so it sounds like these guys with the lawsuit might have just been losers. We’d wager that when the rest of the jail hears this, they’re going to want in on this action. Why? We’re talking about a St. Louis jail! These guys are dying to fight someone for a Snickers bar! Hurting someone for something totally not worth it is why they’re all in here, so turn this deal in to a TV show, throw a broadcast on CityTV (that thing’s gotta be good for something!) and you’ve got an incredible source of funds for the city!
Details: Set up a tournament, make some prisoner trading cards, buy a bunch of swords and tridents (because otherwise this sounds pretty lame) and lets do this thing! …oh, don’t forget to wrongly imprison a nice, but skilled guy who was in the wrong place at the right time, and just wants to get home to see his wife. This way, when he wins, he can refuse to kill the guy he beat, tell the warden he’s a dick and then be all bad ass and just walk out the front door.
Third Prize: Snickers bar
Second Prize: Lube
First Prize: You’re free to go! …oh, never mind.. He’s already escaped. Someone shut the damn door!