1. Rams’ Steven Jackson vs Cardinals’ Albert Pujols
The two faces of their franchises and two nice guys, beating the hell out each other. Should be awesome.
Winner? Pujols. Steven Jackson is great, but Pujols never loses.
2. KMOV’s Virginia Kerr vs KTVI’s April Simpson
There’s history here, which will make this a sellout for sure. Some would see this and think this is some testosterone-fueled idea to see to chicks brawl and they’d be right, if they thought I wanted this to be in bikinis, which I don’t! I want this fight in the fancy “you should trust me because I’m non-threatening” outfits. Yup, this will be one classy fight.
Also note that this one would have to be in jell-o.
Winner? Virginia Kerr in an upset! She just seems scrappy.
3. St. Louis Rams vs Mizzou Tigers
Sure the sane sports fan in us says “The Rams may be 1-15, but they are still professionals and will wax the floor with a college team.” …the other side of me says “Prove it.”
Winner? Rams. It’ll be closer than it should be though.
4. Charles Jaco vs Adam Sharp
…wait. This one already happened and it was really really really gay. Not like “I can’t get married because rednecks are scared of me”, but just like…you know…gay.
Winner? No one…or both. Ties are confusing, They are both lame. Did that clear it up?
5. Axel Rose vs St. Louis
First there was this…and now its the rematch of the century! No, no no: F*ck you Axel!
Winner? St. Louis. Axel promises he will come back with a huge awesome new group of people to kick our asses. But we’re betting he won’t or even he does it will be like totally weak, and no one will care.
