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St. Louis native and rapper Nelly had his new album, “5.0” (See that’s 3 more than how everything is 2.o right now.) last week. It did not go well. “5.0” sold 63,000 copies its first week out. The same week, Susan Boyle sold 335,000 copies, the unknown Jackie Evancho sold 239,000 copies and Rihanna sold 209,000 copies. We thought that maybe people are simply finally getting tired of Nelly starting off all his songs with “Uh. [Read More]

Brad Penny, he of his hot girlfriend, perfectly square head and a handful of games as a Cardinal in 2010, took to Twitter yesterday to say he’s sorry for not being around much this year. He’ll tell you what though! Next time, he’s going to pick us all up one weekend, take us for ice cream, go to a movie, and then the park! Anything you want Cardinal fans, it’ll be your day! [Read More]

We have a secret to divulge…we monitor all of your “tweets.” Yes, all of them. Most are fine, a few are great, and a bunch are so horrible that it makes us want to kick and old lady down the stairs and then pee on her. True story, and we want to remind you that feelings can’t be wrong.

Let’s just get right down to it: You’ve seriously got to stop tweeting song lyrics. Stop it. Stop it right now. It doesn’t make you deep, and frankly it doesn’t even really help the artist themselves seem deep. Right now, assuming you do this, and you know if you do, you’re saying “Whatever. That band I like has totally amazing lyrics that have gotten me through some tough times! They are poets man!” We aren’t sure how to break this to you, but writing stuff that sounds deep isn’t tough and lots of bands that are universally recognized as crap have done it plenty of times. Examples? So glad you asked!

Here are 5 totally deep sounding lyric tweets that any kid with dark hair permanently in their eyes could poop out of their keyboard and other emo kids would be all like “Wow. Totally been there man. I so feel these lyrics.”…but wait, what’s this? A hash tag signifying the artist? …what the f*ck?! Wham? Wham sang that? Now I hate these lyrics that so recently moved me!

1. She sits alone by a lamppost, trying to find a thought that’s escaped her mind.

2. Can’t believe, All the lies that you told, Just to ease your own soul.

3. There’s a path you take and a path untaken. The choice is up to you my friend.

4. If you feel like dancing, well come on, it’s up to you.

5. Dance a little stranger, show me where you’ve been. Love can make you hostage wanna do it again

The matching hashtags for each of these totally deep emotional tweets are after the jump!

Also in protest of these heinous Twitter crimes, we will be tweeting select lyrics from KC & JoJo songs throughout the day so even the music tweeters can know the pain these cause.

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Yesterday at the downtown lanes of I-70 a tractor-trailer, a flat bed truck carrying concrete sewer linings and three other cars came together is in the eastbound lanes. The cause was later found to be a driver that stopped in the road to pick up road dibris, causing a slowdown and then the pileup which left the highway closed until about 2pm. Because of its downtown location, the accident could be seen from many office buildings including that of Jason Wagner, Twitter user @threefourteen. [Read More]

Listen up people! The St. Louis Cardinals official Twitter account is now “CardsInsider” not…um…whatever it was before. Here’s a chunk of the actual press release sent out yesterday afternoon about this momentous day: “Our new name better reflects the content that fans can expect to receive when they sign up to follow the team on Twitter,” said team President Bill DeWitt III. “In a relatively short period of time, our Twitter feed has really established itself as the unfiltered source of the latest news and insider information directly from the club. [Read More]

Update: We’ve been told by the (fake) man himself, this Twitter account has been around since April. It’s just upping the game with the recent news.

The internet works fast and it means business. (Fake) Dan McLaughlin has a Twitter account.

via twitter.com/FakeDanMclaughl

It’s official. This whole Kings of Leon/Poopstock thing is out of control. How do we know? When fake Twitter accounts start hitting its out of control.

View his profile at: twitter.com/kolpigeon

OMG! Kurt Warner iz such a gr8 writer. Hs prose jst sEm 2 croS boundaries. LOL. JK. IDK. wutevA. Here’s some examples: Anybody out there no where my IPAD is? Bec, of the 8ppl in this house, of corse no 1 has seen it or played w it all day! Must b my imposter! # Drove past car w/ sticker “boobs r power”, my life suddenly started 2 make sense & y I have always felt powerless! [Read More]

The Mizzou wide-reciever that had a career year in 2009 but was left undrafted last April has found another way to entertain us all that doesn’t involve touchdowns: Insane ramblings on his Twitter stream. This is way better than watching a Mizzou game. Here are a few examples: Hmm. Begging for line-sitters is something that NFL players can pull off maybe… See this is brilliant. Danario has found a way to make the label “Twitter Follower” more demeaning by incorporating the term “bitches” in there. [Read More]

So that’s cool and all that you want go out and drive around pretending to be Bill Paxton or Helen Hunt from Twister KMOV weather people, but you’re annoying your Twitter followers that really just want the weather. They didn’t sign up for… They signed up for: Going to be rainy today. Bring a jacket. They really don’t care that… They just care if the ball game is going to be rained out. [Read More]