Oh those crafty folks running St. Louis! Parking tickets are a good revenue stream for the city, but what happens when people aren’t violating parking rules enough? If only we could make them think it was ok to park there and then say it wasn’t so they’d have to give us money?

[ Scene: St. Louis City Budget Meeting]

Mayor Slay: We need more money! The damn cops keep asking for more, we can’t cut any more services, we’re hemorrhaging people and we our plan to dig up and move North St. Louis with 100 helicopters over to Illinois still isn’t a viable option. We need money and you are my best idea men! Go!

The St. Louis Cardinals have announce that starting with next season their tickets will all be “dynamically priced” based on a variety of options:

Utilizing advanced computer programming linked to its new ticketing system, the Cardinals will have the ability to adjust ticket prices upward or downward on a daily basis based on changing factors such as team performance, pitching matchups, and the weather.

Unmentioned in the press release was the fact that the “advanced computer programming” is actually a giant knob in Bill Dewitt’s office marked “Ticket Prices”. The knob was installed earlier this week and was mounted directly to the right of the “release the hounds” button that successfully got Jason Marquis out of town.

Good news Cardinals fans!  Maybe you didn’t win the drawing for the chance to buy Cardinal playoff tickets, but like all good crooked business deals, there is a back door!  That’s right, just grease that outstretched Cardinal wing and all of a sudden the tight grip on 2009 playoff tickets might just loosen a bit.

Here is what you got on your inbox if  you didn’t “win” the chance to buy tickets and thus are right for the extorting: