The 19-year old pictured above wearing his awesome wig, Darrion Taylor, was recently apprehended at the Alton Shop ‘N Save by the store’s security guard and his off-duty policeman father who was visiting the store that the time.

Taylor was trying to sneak out the following pork products totaling roughly $44 dollars:

• 2 packages of Pork Picnic Roast
• 2 packages of bacon
• 2 packages of Oreos
• 1 box of Peanut Butter Puffs cereal
• 1 package of “meat”
• 1 package of port shanks
• 1 package of Bar-S Jumbo Franks

From the looks of it also appears homeboy was smuggling a few hams in his shirt, but he may have had them already as KSDK didn’t list them in the oddly intricate details they provided for some reason. $44 dollars worth of pork products and being busted by a father and son team is all it takes to “earn” a local news report these days? The KSDK report even had people calling the arrest “heroic”, despite describing the takedown as following the guy in to the parking lot, telling him to stop, and then pulling his chubby ass out of the car he tried to get in to. How hard was it to catch this kid? He’s a fat guy wearing a wig! This didn’t need an act of heroism and a prime-time KSDK report, it needed a box, some bacon, a stick and some twine:

An armored car was running through a standard pickup at the Shop ‘n Save off Chippewa next to the new-ish Wendy’s that finally allow us to get a freaking junior bacon cheese burger and a vanilla frosty from time to time, when a man put a gun in the back of the armored car’s “runner”. After being handed a couple of bags of money, the man ran off on foot (probably to the Wendy’s first, since it’s like the only one around).