Did you know that 1 in 4 teens have sent a sexually explicit text message?  I know what you are thinking:  “Damn, that’s hot!” But remember that 3 in 4 teens are ugly.  …plus KSDK thinks this is a bad thing and is urging parents to make this holiday extra special by corning your kids and reminding them not to be a whores over the cell phone.

For years we were #1 in the country.  The champs!  But our dynasty is finally over.  Richmond, VA is now the Sexually Transmitted Disease capital of the United States.  St. Louis has fallen to #2.

St. Louis has finally relinquished its title as the sexually transmitted disease capital, dropping to number two in the country for rates of gonorrhea and chlamydia. For several years the city’s disease rates topped the country.

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Man some guys get all the breaks.  She Richard up there?  He somehow broke off a piece of that sexy Donna up there!  Man.  How did he do it?!

It doesn’t matter though.  Now I have a plan to steal Donna away from him so I make out with her and find out what that crust on the corner of her mouth tastes like.

Hey ladies of St. Louis!  Do you ever feel like you need to dress up in weird outfits or nothing at all and go to a strange-looking man’s office so he can take pictures of you for free as long as he can keep some himself and maybe post them on his website?  Well have I got the guy for you!  …also, I’m very sorry your daddy didn’t love you.