A 100-pound steel plate fell off Busch Stadium Monday afternoon. It fell the height of the park, safely crashing to the ground below, proving that nothing with a Cardinal logo can seem to hit anything these days.

Crews roped off an area outside of Busch Stadium after a section of metal soffit fell to the sidewalk below after ground crews discovered the problem Monday afternoon.

Had the Cardinals been at home and the stadium filled with people, this metal plate would have just turned at least two hoosiers, an old lady, and one minority about to be the first in their family to go to college in to little more than sticky paste on the Busch Stadium sidewalk. The ridiculous amount of work it would take to scrap that paste out of all the little nooks in those engraved sidewalk bricks would only be second to the amount of work the Cardinals would have had to do to keep from being the poster boys of the new national “Oh god! Not even sporting events are safe for our kids!” hysteria.

Apparently it’s the second half of the Mountain Grove, Missouri (it’s by Springfield) gun safety class that makes the real impact.

Authorities say 63-year-old Glenn Seymour of Mountain Grove died after shooting himself in the chest Saturday at a class in rural Douglas County

Sheriff Chris Degase says witnesses reported that Seymour was injured while trying to take the safety off a Browning semi-automatic 9 mm weapon.

Right after the break they were going to go over the part where you learn to not point the gun at your chest…ever. If only Jerry wouldn’t have brought in so much orange juice we wouldn’t have had to break for the bathroom…no…it’s best not to think about “what if’s”.

James Looney (no, not the Dodgers player.  He only has one ‘o’.) decided to show his girlfriend how to use a gun the other day.  Clearly the lesson plan wasn’t sinking in, so this teaching revolutionary decided the best way to show her how to not use a gun was the kill himself.

Best lesson plan of all time!  You can only use it the one time though.