The Missouri House passed what has been called the “birther” bill, in which candidates for president or vice president would have to prove their U.S. citizenship in order to be put on the Missouri State’s ballot, inching us all one step closer to future laws such as the “Presidential hopefuls shall measure their dicks (from the balls, not the base!) for the State of Missouri and if he is larger than the average elected official, he will be denied a spot on the ballot!” law, and the point when everyone else just realizes they can have the election without us.

The President spun through our little metropolis yesterday and, as usual we’re sure, had quite a busy day.

He started off by touching down at Lambert Airport at 5:35pm and was greeted by Governor Jay Nixon and Mayor Francis Slay, who both blew him until climax welcomed him to our fine city. “What the f*ck?! You still haven’t fixed this shit? Didn’t we give you money for this? Jesus.” we’re assuming the President said after leaving the airport on his way to…

Last season’s World Series Champions the New York Yankees visited the White House the other day to do the photo-op thing and mingle with President Obama.

Obama, quite the sports fan himself, couldn’t help himself from taking a shot at the woeful Cubs while standing with the winningest organization of them all.

“It’s been nine years since your last title, which must have felt like an eternity for Yankees fans,” Obama said. “I think other teams would be just fine with a spell like that — the Cubs, for example.

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President Obama will be making a trip to St. Louis next week to attend a fundraiser for fellow Democrat and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill.   But we here at Punching Kitty are sure he will make time for a quick drive down Barack Obama Blvd to have a slice of Pi Pizza.

In a completely unrelated story, outspoken conservative mouth-piece and general easy-going #1 fan of Punching Kitty.com [Editor’s Note: *cough*] Dana Loesch recently won a week-long all-expenses paid trip to “anywhere but here” by a little known company named Flowers By Irene.  A mysterious black van will be picking her up when she least expects it later this week.

According to Matthew Leach, the MLB.com writer that covers the Cardinals, pretty much nothing will be allowed past the gates for the All Star game because of the Presidential first pitch.

Here are his tweets from earlier today:

Working on story on stadium/city/etc procedures for ASG week. One thing mentioned: for the game itself, it’s essentially TSA security. #

“If you can’t take it on the airplane, you’re not going to be allowed to bring it in the building that day. ” – Joe Abernathy, stadium ops. #

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I sure hope no cute little white girls get abducted today or Nancy Grace won’t have anything to talk about tomorrow.  Why?  Because no one can report it, since President Obama’s first act was apparently to call off all other news for the entire day.  Think I’m lying?  Check the front page of STLToday.com.

I’ll wait.

See?  That’s all there is today.