Begin press release:

To: Everyone

Re: St. Louis ranking #1 in something

According to a recent study by Punching Kitty.com, St. Louis has come out on top, over all the major US metro areas, as the best city for…um…this crazy thing…it’s not really important.

“After pouring through all the data we have concluded that St. Louis finally has a study to hang it’s hat on as it came in the clear number 1 beating out San Francisco, CA, New York City, NY and Bald Knob, AR” said editor Mike Flynn. The list of factors that went in to the decision included: