You come home late one night and your mother is waiting for you. You’re a little drunk, but you can play it off and control yourself but screw that! You’re 44 years old and the last thing you want to do is to have this discussion about your drinking again with Mom…but you know you can’t avoid it now. The arguing starts and you’ve been down this road so often you might as well have a script, but tonight’s different. You’re not the usual drunk, you’re “stabby drunk” and the fact that this lady squeezed you out of her vag and is only trying to help doesn’t mean you won’t stab her repeatedly to make her stop. Everyone knows the best way to say “I don’t have a problem dammit!” is to stab someone. She might die, and you will probably end up in jail, but come on! She said you have a drinking problem, so what are you going to do? Not stab your mom? No, of course you’ll stab her, and then you’ll go have that last beer in the fridge you’ve had your eye on. Yup, this is going to work out great for everyone!

Kelli Horton (right) is the coolest mom ever! First, she took her kids for a car ride, then to McDonald’s for lunch, and then she let them play in the play area for as long as they wanted! Dude, that must have been the best day ever! Mom, can we get ice cream too? Mom…?

A St. Charles County woman was arrested at a McDonald’s on Highway 94 Tuesday after leaving her children in a play area while she took heroin in the bathroom, police say.

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Oh moms! They always go too far and end up embarrassing you, like the time that a Belleville mother came home drunk, yelled at her four kids and eventually started chasing them around the house with a knife. Oh and then when the cops came to get her she kicked one right in the balls.

Someone’s sure earning her “Best Mom Ever” sweatshirt this year!

This totally reminds us of our mom who used to be there when we got home, be totally sober, make us dinner and then tuck us in to bed….but no story. What is that crap?! She might as well have chased us with a knife and kicked a cop in the balls. Sure the knife would have had peanut butter on it because she was making us sandwiches for lunch the next day and then write us a little note in there so we’d see it later and know how loved we were, but still, pretty inexcusable. If we didn’t take out all of our aggression and sexual angst on sleeping homeless people, our therapy bills would be huge with that kind of abuse at home.

As we all know it’s a rough time out there for everyone, but the economy is hitting the crack heads the hardest. Find out what one Belleville woman sold to get herself a little taste right after the weather!

It’s cold, rainy and totally sucks.

Cool, one Belleville woman is behind bars tonight after selling her children’s Christmas gifts to purchase crack.

Sheriff’s Capt. Steven Johnson said Bauers, the mother of two young sons, stole about $1,000 worth of toys and gifts that the children’s grandmother bought last week. [Sandra J. Bauers] then sold the gifts to buy crack, he said.

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