illinois

A 20 year old Shiloh woman is in jail tonight because she decided to shoot a 10 year old in the back with a BB gun one fateful October 30th afternoon. “What the hell is wrong with this broad?” is what you might be thinking, but wait…this is the metro East area we’re talking about and she only used a BB gun. Sounds like the little tyke got off easy. Middle school is when they start dodging . [Read More]

Meth is a serious problem for the world, and the midwest specifically. No one knows that more than Missouri and Illinois who have tried everything from technology to legislation to stem the tied of stinky, rash covered meth users. …ok not everything. There is one thing Illinois has left in it’s pocket. It’s been afraid to use it up until now, but dammit, it’s time to go all in! See if you can handle this meth addiction! [Read More]

Those two school yard terrorists are a distracting menace and must be stopped. Thank goodness the Jersey School District acted so quickly upon seeing what these deranged sickos had done to their hair. Seriously! Who dyes their hair a non-standard color? How did they even do it?! This is the first we’re hearing of any such ability to change hair color! The superintendent says colorful hair is against the rules. [Read More]

A summer band camp in O’Fallon, IL is being investigated after a complaint that marijuana-laced brownies were given out as a prank. To us, this “prank” sounds like a way to waste your pot on a bunch of band geeks, but maybe there’s one of those overly hot ones these guys really wanted to see if they could get her high and…have her blow your woodwinds if you get what we’re putting down. [Read More]

So you’re a regular run of the mill Illinois woman who looks like a high school boy and gets in a fight with your (taking a shot in the dark here) lesbian partner and you decide that the only people that can settle this dispute are the proper authorities, right? So you and your girl hop in the car and head to the Illinois State Police headquarters, problem solved! …Oh wait…you haven’t been drinking have you? [Read More]

This Coyote hat, which is more of a full animal skin with a pocket for your head at one end than it is a traditional hat, can be all yours for $150! The sexy model does not come with the hat or, hopefully, at all.

We actually aren’t sure if this “hat” was actually something someone purposefully made this way, or a coyote tried to eat this slow-moving old broad one day only to choke and die while trying to swallow her head.

If your idea of a good way to blow $150 is to shove your head in the neck-hole of a dead animal skin, then this sounds like a good deal. It also sounds like a good deal if you just want to buy it to scare the neighbor kids or if you wanted something to wear to work on the days you have meetings with that vegetarian chick that just keeps going on and on about animal cruelty like you actually slaughtered your chicken nuggets in the parking lot.

via Craiglist and Reddit (bbr4nd0n)

[Full screen capture of the ad after the jump for posterity if/when the Craigslist link stops working]

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Maybe we just over-complicate things. Maybe we just gave people from Illinois too much credit. We don’t know… We just never thought that knocking on people’s doors and saying “Hi, can you give me some money? … Why? I don’t know something about my car I guess…Can you just give it to me now? … Thanks!” would work. It does apparently. Just follow the people that can’t drive across the river and ask all the slightly more poor people over there. [Read More]

This according to a survey done by some fancy something or other. Missouri ranked 37th among the 50 states for the perceived fairness of its litigation environment. This is down from its 2008 ranking of 31 as well as from its rank of 34 in 2007. Illinois came in at No. 45 for the perceived fairness of its litigation environment. It ranked 46th in both 2007 and 2008. So according to this survey of lawyers Missouri and Illinois judges rank low in “perceived fairness” which is baffling to us as we were pretty sure the way to always be fair was just to cut everything in half. [Read More]

The Illinois Senate is currently mulling over a move that would make all Illinois State public schools to go from the standard five-day school week to the severely retarded idea of a four-day school week. The Illinois senate is considering a measure that would change the current five-day school week into a four-day week for public school students. The proposal has already received approval in the Illinois House. Over the past few years, similar legislation has been presented by Missouri lawmakers but all have been rejected. [Read More]

Oh you crazy Illinois people! Seems like every place in Illinois not named Chicago is like one big nasty strip club fight. Take this classy, might be about to cry or laugh, I’m not sure, lady on the right here. She said to herself: “Brain, I really want to bash this other broad on the head. But what can I use…hmm…what. can. I. use. What is readily available in a bar that I can use to bludgeon someone…hello! [Read More]