Larry Rice is continuing to petition Belleville, Illinois voters to pass his ballot measure that would demand the city sell him the vacant YMCA building for one dollar…then he’s going to send his army of homeless people out looking for that one dollar. Here’s hoping Belleville will take a sack of pennies as payment.

The Rev. Larry Rice on Monday submitted a 790-signature petition to the St. Clair County Clerk’s Office to force the ballot measure calling for the city to sell the property to his New Life Evangelistic Center in St. Louis for $1. The Belleville News-Democrat reports the referendum could be on the April 9 municipal ballot if the petitions aren’t challenged by Monday.

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The fine folks of O’Fallon, Illinois have noticed something a little weird about their tap water recently: It stinks. Not “stinks” like it tastes bad, but “stinks” as in it smells like an elephant’s vagina that was packed with garlic cream cheese three days ago.

Ok, maybe it’s not that bad…or maybe it is…honestly we’ve never smelled either. We could have nailed our stink description completely, but we’ll hopefully never know.

Janice Lyles was arrested Saturday after being found passed out in a Godfrey, Illinois Hardee’s drive-through, engine running and everything. Hardee’s must get like one of these a week, but it’s still pretty funny.

The staff at the restaurant, located in the 2700 block of Godfrey road, called police when they notice a woman asleep in the drive thru with the engine running.

According to police, Lyles displayed obvious signs of being under the influence of alcohol and failed field sobriety tests.

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Everyone in the metro east that isn’t actively bleeding or high is abuzz about the dust up between St. Clair County Associate Judge Laninya Carson and congressional hopeful General Bill Enyart. Carson is claiming that Enyart pushed her at the O’Fallon, IL homecoming parade to hand a flyer to the person she was trying to hand a flyer to and didn’t apologize. However Enyart says it was just an accidental contact and he did apologize, but won’t do it again.

An Illinois man threw himself from the passenger side of a moving car in the middle of an argument with his girlfriend the other day. She must have been really nagging the hell of out him! Right?! High five dudes! You know how broads are! Yeah! Whooo! *chest bump*

According to police, the man was having a verbal dispute with his girlfriend while the couple was driving down Route 4 just after 1 pm. The victim was reportedly in the passenger seat.

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KMOV (Channel 4) reporter Matt Sczesny and it wasn’t by someone who got overly frustrated after trying to spell Sczesny’s name phonetically like you’d imagine. Turns out it was just some guy who wandered over while they were on a story.

Sczesny was in Alorton standing outside a KMOV truck when a man walked up to him and asked if he could ask him a question. Sczesny said sure, and the man punched him, according to Sean McLaughlin, KMOV’s executive news director.

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Kids at an East St. Louis school had the best school lunch ever Wednesday when the school was forced to order 100 pizzas when a sewer line backed up in the cafeteria.

Good for them for knowing the difference between the usual school lunch and actual sewage (the difference is a side of fries)

East St. Louis Senior High School assistant superintendent Beth Shepperd said someone working in the lunch room noticed raw sewage seeping into the food preparation area about 45 minutes before lunch time.

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Krystal Rushing of Rosewood Heights, Illinois was arrested Sunday. Why? Great question. A couple of things really. The first of which is that the police found her two year old daughter, wandering around alone at the intersection of 9th Steet and East Airline drive at 7 am. We’re not sure what that area’s like, but she’s a two year old so it really doesn’t matter…the point is that she was wandering around by herself next to roads while her mom (above) had just started to look for her when the police arrived.

49-year-old Larry Thompson was arrested and charged with aggravated battery, after punching his own mother at his home in Shiloh, Illinois.

He is also suspected of robbing a bank with Flattop and Pruneface, but escaped after detective Dick Tracy got the drop on his accomplices, only to have Big Boy Caprice put the squeeze to the coppers on the take so the whole gang walked. It was a setup see!

A 5-year-old Collinsville boy was wandering around next to busy streets after being dropped off at the wrong stop by his bus driver after he was never supposed to be on the bus after school in the first place.

It’s probably the kid’s fault though. He washed off his “no bus” hand stamp and replaced it with “Side of the road with no adults around even though I’m 5.” Kid’s got some huge hands.