Once again some organization told everyone stuff we already knew: St. Charles County is super healthy and St. Louis City is horribly unhealthy. Could it have something to do with the amount of violent crime and percentage of people with quality health care? Nah! It’s about parks and having a place to ride 10 speed bikes with black shorts and yellow skin tight tops that show your man boobs.

For the third year in a row, St. Louis city was named the least healthy place to live in Missouri while St. Charles County has the healthiest residents.

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Family Services dropped the hammer on a St. Charles family who were found to have 1 dog, 157 snakes and lizards, roughly 2,000 mice and rats, and 2 children living in their home.  Clearly that ratio is all off. You’d have to at least have 500 kids in there before that was an appropriate amount of lizards and rats.

The home, in the first block of Oak Bend Lane, off Laura Hill Road, was in “extremely filthy condition,” according to court documents, and one deputy who went inside was so overcome by the stench he ran outside to throw up. Another deputy had to borrow an oxygen mask and tank from the Fire Department to go back inside to take evidence photos.

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Last Thursday a 17-year-old was hospitalized after accidentally hanging herself while working at the “Creepyworld” Fenton haunted house. After a stint in the ICU, she has been moved after her condition improved.

The girl was working as an actress to scare guests when she was hurt on Thursday evening. A co-worker who makes rounds to check the safety of employees found her in the noose. She was unconscious.

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The Schnucks grocery store at 1060 Woods Mill Road is recalling all ground meat sold on Saturday October 1st after finding the scraps of a plastic glove while cleaning the grinder later in the day.

At 8 p.m. Saturday, a thin piece of plastic glove was found in the grinder during cleaning, according to a press release announcing the recall. All Schnucks ground beef and sausage was removed from the sales floor and discarded.

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Three STLPD officers were sent to the hospital after opening a mysterious container at the Mansion House Apartments while serving a warrant.

They were serving a warrant at the Mansion House Apartments on 4th Street in downtown St. Louis when they opened a container and were hit with a strong odor that caused headaches, breathing problems and profuse sweating.

What box horribleness be strong enough a stink to give three men headaches, breathing issues and sweating? Rosie O’Donnell probably has a box that horrible, but we can’t think of anything that bad in the bi-state area.

The secret of Tony’s horrible, gross, game-missing eye lies within season two of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Below is an episode summary with added emphasis:

After Master Shake nearly destroys the house by leaving garbage everywhere (especially in Frylock’s room, whose entrance he has bricked closed), burning styofoam [sic], stockpiling chicken carcasses, and planting land mines in the hallway, Frylock becomes disgusted and moves to a condominium. Frylock throws a housewarming party, but none of the people he invites attend. Out of desperation, he invites the Mooninites, who show up only long enough to trash his place.

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Nice try St. Louis Area Foodbank. Here’s where you messed up in your little trick to get people to be charitable by saying lifting canned goods are working out: We don’t want to do either of those things! In. Your. Face.

The organization also aims to demonstrate the physical benefits of volunteering at nonprofit organizations throughout St. Louis and is encouraging people to sign up for the “Pound for Pound Challenge,” a free online weight loss program that raises money for Feeding America.

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The St. Charles County Council, which sounds like an awesome collection of warriors, but in reality is a boring collection of old white people clothed in over-priced sweaters, voted in to law a ban of certain bath salt items and more variants of the K2 “fake pot” because kids are getting high off to them. Spray paint and gas would have been outlawed too, but they dodged the ban bullet this time because “the council” needs those items this weekend to repaint their shed and drive to Old Country Buffet as it is their main source of food.

Missouri House member Vicki Schneider of O’Fallon, has submitted a bill that would make it a Class B misdemeanor if a doctor was caught performing surgery, or any other medical procedure, on a patient while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, making officially illegal something that is only the realm of malpractice lawsuits currently.

You read that right Missouri! As it stands, if your Doctor can manage to drive his drunk ass to the hospital without getting a ticket, then he’s free and clear to cut you open. …Son of a bitch! We knew our kidney’s shouldn’t tick or feel “watchy”!

A recent Washington University School of Medicine study discussed the use, or rather misuse, of painkillers by current and former NFL players. The study, commissioned by ESPN’s Outside the Lines, found that 52 percent of former players used prescription pain meds during their active days, and 15 percent of that group admitted to misusing drugs in the last month.

“That’s a very large number in a population that, at that age, we wouldn’t expect to see much use of these substances at all,” Compton said. “Most typical 30- and 40-year olds aren’t taking pain relievers, and they’re not misusing them, so that’s a much higher than expected rate.”

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