We aren’t just “America” here in St. Louis, we’re Middle America, the “Heartland”, right in the center! If someone would to motorboat lady America’s giant boobs, their nose would be rubbing St. Louis. As such, we love the Fourth of July and all the crap that comes with it: funnel cakes, tank tops, cut off jean shorts, washed up 90s bands playing loudly, and fireworks. Oh and if you think our patriotism is as fleeting as our love/hate relationship with Cardinal relief pitchers, it’s not! It doesn’t wear off with sweat, it doesn’t fade in the sun…but it does apparently wash off in the rain.

Editor’s Note: This post was sent to us from a guest writer, Lance K. I gotta say when I first read this, I thought “I don’t remember writing this!” so I thought this was the perfect post to ease in our Guest Author feature. If you have any interest in guest authoring a post here, drop me a line at [email protected]

…also love that he’s clinging to the “VP Fair” name. We are too.