Downtown on PUNCHING KITTY

The Powell Square Building Will Be Coming Down…On Purpose!

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 13:00:44 +0000

You know which one the Powell Square Building is right? No? It’s the one downtown that looks like the remains of a building that was eaten and shit out from the other side of a zombie apocalypse. Well it’s finally going to be demolished. It shouldn’t be hard to take down though since at this point we’re pretty sure the walls are gone and it’s being held up by graffiti and stacks of homeless guy coats. In fact, all that graffiti facing 55 is load-bearing, so scrape that off and it should go pretty quick.

Guy Shoots Himself in the Leg During Traffic Stop

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 12:00:02 +0000

St. Louis’ finest attempted to pull over a car for a routine traffic stop last night just south of downtown. The car pulled over, then took off and police gave chase. Shortly after they heard gunfire and a stand-off started. Little did the cops know he wasn’t shooting at them, he’s just a retard and shot himself.

After a standoff that lasted about ten minutes, police took the driver out of the vehicle and discovered he had shot himself in the upper leg, either accidentally or on purpose. There were also three bullet holes in the windshield, Coll said.

St. Louis Started a Washington Avenue Curfew

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 12:00:45 +0000

Friday was the first night with the new 10p – 4a Washington Avenue curfew for any one under 21 and none of the clubs were shot up last weekend (but at this point, who can tell?), so it’s going pretty well so far.

St. Louis police turned to a “festival” permit to give them authority to bar anyone under age 21 from the entertainment district along Washington Avenue after 10 pm on Friday and Saturday this weekend.

A Bunch of Snakes Were Stolen From the Aquarium in the City Museum

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 12:00:06 +0000

St. Louis will never run out of things we want to steal. This time it was snakes from the World Aquarium located inside downtown’s City Museum: One six foot long Boa Constrictor, one five foot long California Kingsnake, a four and a half foot long Dumeril’s Boa and a two foot long Ball Python. 17.5 feet of total snake, at an estimated worth of over 10 thousand bucks!

“I think they knew these were high valued animals and they could take these animals and market these animals,” said World Aquarium President Leonard Sonnenschein.

No One in St. Louis Bothered to Pick Up that Dead Crazy Downtown Deer From Friday

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 12:00:43 +0000

Everyone was all a-Twitter on Friday because of the news that a runaway deer was going crazy downtown, smashing in to buildings and then dying, appropriately enough, on Memorial Drive. It turns out that the deer came in to the city from his West County home, and then quickly became frustrated with the traffic and parking, before getting mugged and then freaked out when the random guard at the Metrolink entrance wouldn’t let him down the stairs because he didn’t have a ticket. “What? You buy tickets down there!” said the deer, but it was in a deer’s voice, so we’re not sure if he effectively made his point. That’s when he smashed in to the building in a rage and died.

Some Guy Got Shot in the Face While Leaving His Apartment

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 16:00:23 +0000

St. Louis’ totally uncool obsession with shooting people in the face continued over the weekend when a man was shot (in the face) while leaving his downtown apartment.

Officials say the victim was driving outside the Mansion House Apartments off Memorial Drive just after 3 p.m. when two suspects walked up to his SUV and shot him.

Dude.

We really don’t want or need to get in to the long history of people getting shot in the face in our city, or why that’s just not civilized. We’ve done that. What we are going to do is put up or “No Face Shots” campaign logo and then go get a quick snack, clear our schedule for the rest of the day and then head back to the computer because we just spent some time searching the internet for “blasted in the face”, “face shot” and “asians with big boobs”, and while we didn’t find what we were initially looking for, we found a bunch of other stuff that made us forget what the original thing was and why we were upset about it. Bye!

Horse Outsmarts Downtown Carriage Jacker

Thu, 10 May 2012 12:00:41 +0000

One of those horse-drawn carriages was jacked Tuesday night by a cane wielding assailant who apparently found no cars worthy of stealing or more likely, as this took place downtown, there might not have been any cars left that hadn’t already been broken in to.

The St. Louis Carriage Company driver Larry Turner said he was steering his horse, Harry, back to the company’s stables about 8:25 p.m. toward the end of his shift. He spotted a [Johnny Medina, 40], sitting on some steps, staring at the carriage as he rolled by.

The New Arch Grounds Plan Reminds Us of Something Dirty

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 13:00:05 +0000

The plans for the new Arch grounds are starting to take shape by the releasing of design photos, and explanations about how the new work will change the downtown layout. NextSTL has it covered:

Not a single local media story, not KSDK, not St. Louis Public Radio, not the Post-Dispatch, not the Beacon, no one included the detail that if the presented plan comes to fruition that Pine Street will no longer connect the city with the Arch grounds. […] With Pine Street gone, visitors will find yet another dead end as they attempt to navigate their way to the Arch. The distance between accessible crossings (Washington Avenue to Chestnut Street) will reach more than 1,500 feet.

Have You Heard the One Where the Occupiers Met With the Mayor’s Staff?

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:00:44 +0000

So Mayor Slay’s staff walk in to a room in the Edward Jones Dome with a few people from the Occupy St. Louis movement currently inhabiting downtown…

Stop us if you’ve heard this one.

The initial debate was between the Mayor’s Chief of Staff Jeff Rainford, and a guy that only went by “Chuck”…naturally.

“We ask that you condemn the police violence in Oakland and retract any threats or insinuations of violence against us and the accusation that we are inciting violence,” Chuck said.

The Cabbies Respond to Us Making Fun of Them

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:00:56 +0000

Last week we took some shots at the local cabbies for “whining” about a convention using other transportation rather than cabs.

“What do you mean non-cab drivers have figured out how to get their own cars?! Oh no! Someone, quick, talk to the press and make sure they photograph you in the creepiest way possible!”

As with every post we do, it was a joke and all the real details are gleaned form the source material, which in this case was KMOX. In fact, we also took a shot at KMOX for posting the creepiest possible photo of the cab driver they interviewed, but according to the cab drivers that sent us emails over the weekend, we also could have taken a few shots at KMOX for leaving out a few details that we weren’t aware of. So because we’re nice, we wanted to post a couple of the responses we got so that everyone gets a fair shake at defending themselves against a joke.

Police Say Your Downtown Parked Car Might Get Stolen, Public Replies With “Duh.”

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:00:16 +0000

Friday night, 62 cars were broken into downtown, most of them just south of Busch Stadium. It’s time like these when we wish the police would tell us everything’s going to be ok and that not to worry, they’ve got things under control. We don’t live in a town where you can’t even go to a ballgame without thinking about what inning you should leave to go get your car rather than thinking about what inning you have to leave before your deluxe nachos make a reappearance south of the border, do we?

Downtown Population Grows 3%

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:00:41 +0000

The “Partnership for Downtown St. Louis” released numbers that say the population of downtown St. Louis grew 3% in the last six months.

Downtown residents grew from 11,997 as of Dec. 31 to 12,409 at the end of June, according to the report.

The survey includes information on all housing within the 2.95-square-mile downtown area, bounded roughly by Chouteau on the south, Cass Avenue on the north, the Mississippi River to the east and Jefferson Avenue to the west.

Woman Dies After Eating at Eat-Rite Diner, But Not in the Way You Think

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:00:17 +0000

You go in and site down on at the disgusting Eat-Rite counter in Downtown St. Louis and you amazingly survive the food, only to have someone shoot you when you leave.

Police say the woman, 30, got into an argument with a man inside The Eat-Rite Diner at Chouteau Avenue and 7th Street around 5:30 a.m. Sunday. Police say the man left, but returned a short time later with a gun and shot the woman as she stood outside the restaurant.

Guy With Vested Interests Says Population Rising Downtown

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:00:33 +0000

“Civic Leader” Jim Cloar of the Downtown St. Louis Partnership says that about 600 new people moved to downtown St. Louis over the last year.

Hmm, ok. So it seems like thats an easy statement to just throw out there especially when you clearly have a vested interest in downtown sucking less. I mean maybe its true…but its hard to believe a guy coming from his place. Well look, maybe he just said it quietly to a reporter or something…it wasn’t making a big deal out of it. That would really be odd if the guy was basically bragging…I mean how could you believe that?