Everyone was all a-Twitter on Friday because of the news that a runaway deer was going crazy downtown, smashing in to buildings and then dying, appropriately enough, on Memorial Drive. It turns out that the deer came in to the city from his West County home, and then quickly became frustrated with the traffic and parking, before getting mugged and then freaked out when the random guard at the Metrolink entrance wouldn’t let him down the stairs because he didn’t have a ticket. “What? You buy tickets down there!” said the deer, but it was in a deer’s voice, so we’re not sure if he effectively made his point. That’s when he smashed in to the building in a rage and died.

A deer burst out of the wilderness and rammed an Ellisville woman in to a concrete wall, sending her to the hospital. The war has begun.

“It just struck her at a full run,” Metro West Fire District Battalion Chief Mike Krause said.  “It’s a tremendous amount of force for a person to sustain.  That’s a lot of traumatic force.”

“I’ve never have seen anything like it.”

Way to go hunters! We put up with your weird mix of camouflage and bright orange clothing, and the constant offers of deer jerky, but you’re supposed to reciprocate by keeping the omnipresent threat of a deer uprising in check. So what the hell happened this year? You got too fat for your big fat deer-shooting pants and now women are getting picked off in Ellisville.

Did you hear the one about the guy that used Google Earth to find the best place to hunt deer, lined up his shot but missed, causing the deer to fall down a cliff and drown…and then totally take credit anyway like he did something special?

[Joe] Graber added the Internet to his arsenal, using the Google Earth mapping service to pinpoint paths the buck would likely follow to pursue female deer. It was raining Oct. 26, when the buck wandered down one of the paths by a creek at dusk. Graber was lying in wait.

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