Every day lonely souls longing for the love of that one that got away go to Craigslist to type out prose in a desperate attempt to find the person that, although just meeting in passing, may hold missing piece to their happiness.

This isn’t one of those.

that one girl that looked like she wanted to blow me – m4w – 23 (o’fallon)

you were eying me like you wanted it, baby. send me pictures of your tits so i know it’s you.

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Found on St. Louis’ “Missed Connections” Craiglist page:

First impressions are everything. So, if you want to pick up a woman on here, draft your post to give the impression as though you did in fact graduate high school and possess basic literacy skills. LEARN TO SPELL AND USE PUNCTUATION! Sentences should start with a capital letter and end with period. “Txt” spelling is fine for a text, but isn’t finding that special woman worth the extra nanosecond it takes to spell out your words completely? No, txt speak does not make you sound cool or fun. No woman wants to date a man who comes off as either illiterate or just too lazy to write comprehensible sentences.

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So Missouri Attorney General Chris Koster is whining about Craiglist again.

Koster met with representatives from craigslist exactly a year ago, demanding the company take action to eliminate advertisements for prostitution and other illegal activities on its site. Nine days after the meeting, craigslist announced major changes to its site, including eliminating the “erotic services” section and manually screening for nude photos and illegal activities such as prostitution.

Despite all this, Koster and other state attorneys general have found that prostitutions [sic] ads are still found on craigslist.

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Spotted on St. Louis’ Craigstlist section under “Missed Connections” last night:

i almost killed you with an oatmeal cookie – w4w – 25 (st. louis)

****j.w,

i really want to see your smile again. i promise to show you a good time. if anything, just for fun.

think about it…

Hey there! w4w eh? Nice…

Here’s hoping “oatmeal cookie” is a euphemism for “amazing night of crazy lesbian sex where one of us is dressed as a sexy librarian and the other one as a school girl and involved all the hot stuff and none of the weird stuff that lesbians probably prefer but doesn’t fit with male fantasies”

Oh Craigslist, just when I think I’ve heard of every way two people can hook up, you give me this…

Pigs Feet! – m4w – 34 (Richmond Heights)

You pointed out where the Pigs Feet were. I would like to continue the conversation.

This was filed under missed connections, but I can’t tell if he wants to lear more about this attractive pigs feet eating lady, or he had a pig foot follow up question that to this day has gone unanswered.

We here at Punching Kitty headquarters weren’t exactly surprised by Monday’s revelation that former home run champ and current St. Louis Cardinals batting coach Mark McGwire finally came clean, admitting that he did in fact take steroids during his career.

However we can’t say that about everyone.

One South County Cardinals fan apparently fell back against the wall clutching his chest while whispering “dios mio!” to himself like some old Latina woman.  Then he got angry and proceeded to do what angry people do, they go to the internet.

Oh Missed Connections, you are always there for me when the news, like the road outside my house, is all frozen over.

My Sexy Clark Kent… J.S. – w4m – 48 (Florissant)

J.S… I sure will miss you. You have no idea how perfect you were……. how nice your Gorgeous TOOL was……. You smelled wonderful EVERY time…….. you are very special to me and you ALWAYS will be…. We had the most wonderful times…… and you always made me comfortable… being a bigger girl can be uncomfortable…… you made me feel wonderful… I thank you so very much for that. J.S… I do want to see you again……… I already miss you… Sex was crazy good with you… even our age difference was nothing for what we had and what we did. I dont want to call or email. im afraid of what will happen………. maybe its time to move on…. maybe its time to end it while it was FANTASTIC!! Thank you for making me feel GREAT!!!! you’ll always be my Clark Kent!!

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What’s better than going to see your favorite girl-movie about non-scary flavors of vampires and werewolves at midnight?  Going there and falling in love…and then smelling her hair…and following her to her house…and stealing things out of her car.  Awww love.

New Moon midnight showing – m4w – 27 (Saint Louis, MO)

I sat behind you at the midnight showing of New Moon the other night. Me: 6 foot, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. As your hair draped down behind your sear i just had to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene.great choice). I don’t remember much of the money but I will awlays remember the smell and texture of your hair. The way you sound when you whisper and laugh. After the movie I followed you and your friends to Denny’s. I waited outside in my car so I could watch you eat and smile. I followed you home and made sure you got there safely. I noticed you left your car unlocked so I went to have a look into your life. I can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. If you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. “grin”

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Found in the Missed Connections section of Craigslist: St. Louis

Dear Men of Saint Louis,

My existence on the same public sidewalk as you does not mean you are entitled to talk to me.

Do you need the time? I can do that. Do you need vague, inarticulate directions? I can definitely help. But, unless you are vaguely in my age range and honestly think that if we one day made babies they would be happy, healthy, and not dragged down to some mean attractiveness, you absolutely do not need my phone number. You do not need to tell me I’m pretty. You do not need to explain to me that you got out of that cop car on the corner because you need to arrest me for “looking so sexy.” You do not need to lie to me about some fictitious wife who is unable to satisfy your foot fetish needs, and you certainly do not need to touch MY feet.

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If you don’t think Walmart is in our midwestern blood stream like that really bad case of gonorrhea we got when I fooled around with that heiress bartender stripper hooker in the parking lot of the Casino Queen [Editor’s Note: Call me Porsche!], then you got another thing coming!  Not only do we buy mayonnaise in bulk there, we also tend to find love by the gallon!