“Hey, we know we suck so bad it hurts, but what if we let you rename our mascot! That help at all? …ok, well we’ve already printed the flyers so we’re doing this thing anyway.” – The St. Louis Rams

After 1,700 submissions the final round of voting has begun with your choices being (hold on to your hat now): Archie, Rammer, Rampage, Ramsey, and Rush.

Midtown restaurant The Fountain on Locust has been nominated and is now a finalist for the America’s Best Restroom contest being put on by the Cintas Corporation, who makes crappers, but probably doesn’t like people calling them “crappers”.

What’s so special about The Fountain on Locust?

The Fountain on Locust’s bathroom was picked because of its hand-painted murals, ornate fixtures and designer mirrors.

You can vote online for the final round at www.bestrestroom.com, and then go poop in your now obviously lame bathroom.

The scene: Yesterday around 4pm, Twitter

The official Pearl Jam Twitter account spits out a seemingly innocuous “Twitter Contest” tweet.

“Hmm, whatever.” You thought.  “Its probably in New York, or LA…its freakin’ always in one of those two places.  Screw it, I’ll click on the picture anyway, might be some hot chick (or dude) in it.”

Halloween is only a few days away and if you are like most people, not only do you not have a costume yet, but I just reminded you of that and you went “Crap!” and now everyone around you at work thinks you screwed something important up or got fired via email and really want to ask you “What?” but are worried that you might drag them in to the problem if they do.