St. Louis’ finest attempted to pull over a car for a routine traffic stop last night just south of downtown. The car pulled over, then took off and police gave chase. Shortly after they heard gunfire and a stand-off started. Little did the cops know he wasn’t shooting at them, he’s just a retard and shot himself.

After a standoff that lasted about ten minutes, police took the driver out of the vehicle and discovered he had shot himself in the upper leg, either accidentally or on purpose. There were also three bullet holes in the windshield, Coll said.

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An Illinois man threw himself from the passenger side of a moving car in the middle of an argument with his girlfriend the other day. She must have been really nagging the hell of out him! Right?! High five dudes! You know how broads are! Yeah! Whooo! *chest bump*

According to police, the man was having a verbal dispute with his girlfriend while the couple was driving down Route 4 just after 1 pm. The victim was reportedly in the passenger seat.

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While trying to hunt down a stolen car last Friday, Lincoln County cops stumbled upon a car jacking savant out in Winfield, Missouri. Joseph Walker the 3rd is only 19, but he’s managed to display his skills in a way very unbecoming of someone who is “the 3rd” of anything.

The Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office Patrol Division had been attempting to locate an older model Black GMC Sonoma. The driver of the Sonoma was observed on surveillance camera several days earlier, both at Jack in the Box and Fast Lane in Troy, making purchases with a stolen credit card from one of the vehicles.

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After having over 20 cars broken in to downtown, the St. Louis Police finally made a breakthrough over the weekend when they arrested two suspects in connection with the break-ins…and by “connection”, we mean that they totally did it.

Suspect Calvin Willis, 25, was ordered held on $75,000 bond after being charged with second degree assault, first degree tampering and resisting arrest.

Alright! Yeah! Maybe next time you’ll think twice before doing something hurtful like trying to steal our Paula Cole CD off our passenger seat! Where have all the cowboys gone?! Calvin stole them, that’s where, but now he’s in jail.

Friday night, 62 cars were broken into downtown, most of them just south of Busch Stadium. It’s time like these when we wish the police would tell us everything’s going to be ok and that not to worry, they’ve got things under control. We don’t live in a town where you can’t even go to a ballgame without thinking about what inning you should leave to go get your car rather than thinking about what inning you have to leave before your deluxe nachos make a reappearance south of the border, do we?

Details are slim as of this writing, but just after 9 pm a car crashed in to the Hoosters in downtown St. Louis starting a fire. Somehow no one was injured and the people in car have been arrested. No suprise there. Smashing something that hard in to Hooters ususal does end up getting you arrested…at the very least slapped.

That’s gotta be the first time anything “flaming” crashed a party at Hooters!

A high-speed chase started in the city, ended with a traffic accident in Webster Groves, and all started when a police officer thought he saw drugs in use in a car, reached in the window to get them and the suspect…rolled the window up on his arm!

Balls. Giant balls.

Police say it began around 3 p.m. at the intersection of Minerva and Union when an officer saw what he thought were drugs inside a vehicle. When he reached inside the car, the driver rolled up the window on the officer’s arm, then drove off dragging him down the street.

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‘Twas a cold St. Louis night, when all through this dude’s house not a creature was stirring, not even the homeless guy living in his garage. When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter, dude sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. What’s this? Two guys stealing my brother’s car? He tore open the shutters and grabbed his gun! …and promptly walked on his porch, tripped and shot himself in the leg. The two car thieves grabbed some stuff and took off.

War is hell and now some guy’s Mustang looks the part.

Dubbed the American Spirit, the muscle car is covered with 255 pictures depicting the history of American war veterans. The photos are grouped in chronological order, starting with the American Revolution on the back bumper and ending with Operation Iraqi Freedom on the front. The car sports the vanity license plates “LVNFRE,” and across the front fender in 14 karat gold are the words “A Tribute To The American Soldier.” Owner Scott Lewis said he’s spent $80,000 outfitting the car.

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William Fry of Alton has been charged with Criminal Damage to Property Over $300 and violating a restraining order. Also, if anyone has a comb…no? That’s alright. Thanks for looking.

Authorities say Fry’s ex-wife reported to police that extensive damage was done to her home. She was away from her home when the damage was done.

Authorities said the damage appeared to have been done by a vehicle being driven into the home. Evidence from Fry’s vehicle gave police the probable cause to take him into custody.

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