PUNCHING KITTY: 2009 - 2013

Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously…and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way. Not everyone liked it (it turns out people don’t love being made fun of) but we converted a lot of people and I take pride that the site was truly well read. From the local media, to area police departments, Punching Kitty truly became a source for news and entertainment for St. Louis.

We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. When we closed up shop the news made local radio, TV, and even the front page of STLToday (The St. Louis Post Dispatch’s website) where we were the top story over a new pope being named. Wild stuff.

While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive for St. Louis.

- The Editor

No More Music Lyric Tweets!

We have a secret to divulge…we monitor all of your “tweets.” Yes, all of them. Most are fine, a few are great, and a bunch are so horrible that it makes us want to kick and old lady down the stairs and then pee on her. True story, and we want to remind you that feelings can’t be wrong.

Let’s just get right down to it: You’ve seriously got to stop tweeting song lyrics. Stop it. Stop it right now. It doesn’t make you deep, and frankly it doesn’t even really help the artist themselves seem deep. Right now, assuming you do this, and you know if you do, you’re saying “Whatever. That band I like has totally amazing lyrics that have gotten me through some tough times! They are poets man!” We aren’t sure how to break this to you, but writing stuff that sounds deep isn’t tough and lots of bands that are universally recognized as crap have done it plenty of times. Examples? So glad you asked!

Here are 5 totally deep sounding lyric tweets that any kid with dark hair permanently in their eyes could poop out of their keyboard and other emo kids would be all like “Wow. Totally been there man. I so feel these lyrics.”…but wait, what’s this? A hash tag signifying the artist? …what the f*ck?! Wham? Wham sang that? Now I hate these lyrics that so recently moved me!

1. She sits alone by a lamppost, trying to find a thought that’s escaped her mind.

2. Can’t believe, All the lies that you told, Just to ease your own soul.

3. There’s a path you take and a path untaken. The choice is up to you my friend.

4. If you feel like dancing, well come on, it’s up to you.

5. Dance a little stranger, show me where you’ve been. Love can make you hostage wanna do it again

The matching hashtags for each of these totally deep emotional tweets are after the jump!

Also in protest of these heinous Twitter crimes, we will be tweeting select lyrics from KC & JoJo songs throughout the day so even the music tweeters can know the pain these cause.

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Taking a Day Off

Sorry guys, taking a little unwanted vacation from posting today.

Should be back to full speed tomorrow.

Please enjoy this cute photo of a kitten as our apology:

Woah! Calm Down Rams Fans!

Here we were thinking a 4 – 4 team was pretty good after only managing 3 wins the last two years, but if you look at the faces in this picture of the stands during a recent game our tipster alerted us too you would think these people were watching an episode of NCIS. Freaking horrible show. Mark Harmon?! Really, you made a show staring Mark Harmon? We’ve gotten better performances from the parking lot guy that asks for “just a couple of bucks, whatever you’ve got on you” every day, or the guy that keeps handing us envelopes with “restraining orders” in them. [Read More]
fun  game  happy  photo  rams 

The Rams’ Steven Jackson Gets Animated For Nickelodeon

In the next episode of Nickelodeon’s thrilling animated commercial for the NFL they force feed to your kids like its one of the fine programs that aren’t just a commercial for their toy, like…um…ok, one second…shit this is harder than we thought. Ok, nevermind. This seems cool I guess then, oh and the Rams’ Steven Jackson is in it this week! According to the Nick Toons site, the episode of “NFL Rush Zone: Guardians of the Core” (seriously, it’s called that) involves bullies harassing the main character… [Read More]

East Alton Police Find Human Remains in East Alton

Police are investigating the area in East Alton where human remains were found Thursday morning. The crime scene is located at Broadway and Route 3 near QuikTrip. You know those QuikTrip churos look like they might be safe rolling around in that heating rolling thing, but those things…those things should just really be left alone. More than 30 investigators and Cadaver dogs searched the scene where the parts were discovered. [Read More]

Fox 2’s John Brown Gets Beat Up by a Little Cardinal

Found on YouTube: KTVI Fox2’s John Brown gets bit by a Cardinal he was holding at the bird sanctuary. He apparently had named the little red cardinal “Albert”…not sure why. Don’t see any connection there. If he was making a joke, he should really come off his high horse and do something more relatable, because who knows what he was referring to. Maybe John will explain the obscure reference needed to understand why naming a cardinal “Albert” would be funny. [Read More]

Kid in Jail for Pretending to be Cop, Now Just Pretending His Butt Doesn’t Hurt

Some silly kid in Highland, Illinois apparently never learned the only acceptable way to pretend to be a police officer: Be a hot girl on Halloween or a stripper any other time of the year. Pulling people over in your Ford Explorer isn’t on that list. Authorities said received to separate complaints on Oct. 14 related to someone possibly impersonating a police officer. In both incidents a white male in a Maroon Ford Explorer that was equipped with a dash mounted strobe light pulled someone over in the 14,000 block of Trestle road in Highland, Illinois. [Read More]

Everyone at the Soulard Market Keep it Down!

Hear the World, the hippie arm of Phonak, the hearing aid maker, sent someone out to popular St. Louis locations to see just how loud they were. They’re results were: Market Street and Memorial Drive/I-70 Overpass – 86 decibels Soulard Market – 83 decibels Washington Loft District – 76 decibels South Grand and Juniata Street – 75 decibels The Loop – 73 decibels Ted Drewes (Chippewa) – 72 decibels Right away, who the hell cares about the ambient volume of the Market Street overpass? [Read More]

Area Man Makes Mustang Ugly for the Troops

War is hell and now some guy’s Mustang looks the part. Dubbed the American Spirit, the muscle car is covered with 255 pictures depicting the history of American war veterans. The photos are grouped in chronological order, starting with the American Revolution on the back bumper and ending with Operation Iraqi Freedom on the front. The car sports the vanity license plates “LVNFRE,” and across the front fender in 14 karat gold are the words “A Tribute To The American Soldier. [Read More]

Could Bad Boy Randy Moss Be a Ram Today?

‘Fro-less Update: The Rams have passed. No Randy Moss for the Rams. Source: ESPN.com Original story follows… Randy Moss has always been one of the most talented wide receivers in the National Football League…when he wants to be. This year alone, he’s been sent packing from two teams, the Patriots and Vikings. Being cut from the Vikings after only four weeks has cleared the way so that by 4pm today, he could be a St. [Read More]