PUNCHING KITTY

11 games in to the Cardinals 2010 season and for two prominent Cardinal members we have the following lines:

Ryan Franklin: 9.82 ERA, 1 Save, 4 Earned Runs in 3.2 innings

Albert Pujols: .182 Average, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, in 44 at bats

It’s early of course, but these ugly starts have been over-analyzed already by every sports talking head both in and out of town, but they’re all wrong. Who has the real answer? Well we do of course! Albert could probably adjust his stance a little bit and Franklin needs to keep the ball down but also…this:

KMOV is really just finding out about this whole internet thing and as such, are now taking posts to paste in comments from the site. You know how you’re always saying “I wonder what the random, nothing to do, loser who just spouts the same colloquialisms about every perceived obstacle in their life thinks about this news item”? You’re prayers have been answered!

Gas hit $4 a gallon in the area recently, here’s the user content KMOV wanted to highlight (with our responses/translations):

Actor Gary Sinise, best known for being the other guy in a bunch of really good Tom Hanks movies, was in St. Louis Monday to talk about his upcoming concert at the Family Arena and how it’s proceeds will go to a good cause:

He made the official announcement that his band, named the “Lt. Dan Band” after his character in that 1994 film, will play a Memorial Day weekend concert on May 27th at the St. Charles Family Arena.

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The St. Charles County Council, which sounds like an awesome collection of warriors, but in reality is a boring collection of old white people clothed in over-priced sweaters, voted in to law a ban of certain bath salt items and more variants of the K2 “fake pot” because kids are getting high off to them. Spray paint and gas would have been outlawed too, but they dodged the ban bullet this time because “the council” needs those items this weekend to repaint their shed and drive to Old Country Buffet as it is their main source of food.

Sorry folks. We’ve been doing a bit of running around last night and today, so instead of just giving you a crappy, hurriedly written post, we’ll just get back at it tomorrow with a few little less crappy and hurriedly written posts.

As usual, apologies are accompanied by something like a little baby kitten clutching a little teddy bear:

Photo Credit: Cute Overload

Annie Cooper is 70 and when you make it to that age, it is your job to shit on everyone that hasn’t made it there by being as grumpy and annoying as possible, always finding a way to make every little thing in to a slight against you personally. That’s gotta be a great feeling, and we can’t wait until we graduate to that lofty position. Back to Annie though, she’s mad because the city is charging her $11/month more for trash pickup and the addition of recycling dumpsters. So mad, she’s suing the city, and pissing off her Alderman who seems completely confused by the whole thing.

According to the Missouri State Auditor, University City is run by a bunch of raving idiots that probably can’t even wipe their asses correctly, but he can’t verify that since it’s technically outside of the State Auditor’s prescribed duties.

Missouri State Auditor Tom Schweich released an audit Thursday highly critical of how University City operates and spends tax payer dollars.

…the city has 3,373 delinquent trash accounts costing the city $1.6 million. The city paid $97,000 in severance to its former city manager, but had the termination date been just eight days later, the city would have saved $28,000.

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Prentice Nash was arrested for the fatal shooting of Wade Finch in a crime that if you closed your eyes and just heard the names you’d swear it was two chubby, rich white kids in sweater vests fighting over a Faberge egg.

Investigators believe Nash, whose home is in the 6600 block of Mignon, about a half-mile from the scene, killed Finch during a robbery attempt.

Nash is charged with 2nd degree murder, first degree robbery and armed criminal action.

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When Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa announced that he would return as the St. Louis skipper in 2011, he made the following comment:

You start thinking about goals. I came up with some goals, very specific ones. One of my goals is to have the media feel like I’m more loveable.

Tony was joking. Like really joking it turned out. 5 days in to the 2011 he’s already pulled the “storm out of the press conference bit”. He said it was the reporter’s questions about the donkey-ball sucking offense, but his mood probably soured when he spent the first half of his time trying to get that damn bracelet off! The real question in all of this: Where was Bernie Miklasz on this? Isn’t he defender of all writers, the chosen one that stands up to even the whiniest of “after a loss” Tony LaRussas?

O’Fallon, MO police have taken Robert Finger in to custody  and charged him with two counts of statutory sodomy and one count of attempted child molestation.

…and yeah, this (alleged) child molester’s name is Finger. Also, that picture on the right isn’t a sketch we made of what the classic molester guy looks like, that’s Mr. Finger himself. …oh and one more little thing:

Prosecutors said Finger had a prior sex offense in Tennessee but had not registered as a sex offender in Missouri despite living here for about four years.

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