PUNCHING KITTY

A St. Charles man has been arrested after he exposed himself to the patrons at Wapelhorst Park pool Tuesday.

The St. Charles County man, 53, pulled down his swimsuit, exposing his buttocks and genitals about 1 p.m. at the park’s public pool in the 1900 block of Muegge Road, police said. Several other customers, including children and seniors, were using the pool at the time.

We’ll give him credit for being confident enough to stare a public shrinkage viewing the face and still decide to go through with a plan, but maybe there’s a better way to go about drying off your winkie dink.

An interesting court case is happening in Ballwin, where a man is fighting for free speech…of the speechless kind.

A Florissant man is fighting a ticket he got for giving the middle finger to another driver in Ballwin.

The man is fighting the ticket based on a similar case in Pittsburgh. That ticket was thrown out as a violation of free speech.

Holy hell! You can get tickets for that?! Luckily we’re a master of the sly middle finger. To think of all the double tickets we could have gotten if only the cop had noticed which finger I was rubbing my eye with makes us cringe, but luckily, we’re the best. There’s also the “point in a direction with your middle finger” trick, a total classic, the “pick your nose with a middle finger”, and of course the “interpretive dance with middle fingers up and flaying arms and legs”.

Monday night, the University City Council “approved”, as in refused to block, the installation of a Chuck Berry statue on city property. Joe Edwards, Loop Godfather, is pleased but not everyone agrees. Some people think University City shouldn’t have a statue of Chuck Berry on community property, even though Berry has performed there 160 times including his famous monthly performance at Blueberry Hill. Despite the fact that the statue has already been made and was just sitting there, Berry’s detractors wonder why University City would want to put up a statue of a man that served time in jail.

The Jefferson County Police are offering the chance to stay in their new jail one night, meals included, for the low low price of $30. What a deal! …right? Hmm…it sounds interesting, but something isn’t quite sitting right with us here…

The newest place to stay in downtown Jefferson City opens for business next month, and the management is offering a grand-opening special: $30 for a one-night stay with dinner, breakfast and your own private cell. Every guest will get a free booking photo and a complimentary “Cole County Jail” T-shirt.

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Police told me that it was a game called the ‘Knock Out Kings’ and they targeted me because I looked weak and feminine. It is a sick game. I mean it is a stupid game, it’s a sick game. Games are supposed to be fun. This is not fun at all. It’s not fun to get knocked out. It is not fun to get your nose fractured

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It took a few months, but someone finally noticed the two statues of…some…uh…dudes in front of Scottrade Center. Hmm. We feel like we should know who these statues are of, but without proper name plates how the hell are we supposed to know? Hockey player statues need name plates ok?! NFL? Baseball? Totally different stories. St. Louisans can spot even a crappy likeness of Stan Musial a mile away, but hockey players? We love the Blues, but we need name plates. Ok, total shot in the dark here…is one of them Wayne Gretzky? He’s a big St. Louis icon from his epic time rocking a blue note!

Friday night, 62 cars were broken into downtown, most of them just south of Busch Stadium. It’s time like these when we wish the police would tell us everything’s going to be ok and that not to worry, they’ve got things under control. We don’t live in a town where you can’t even go to a ballgame without thinking about what inning you should leave to go get your car rather than thinking about what inning you have to leave before your deluxe nachos make a reappearance south of the border, do we?

A Southwest Airlines pilot has been indefinitely suspended after his tirade on the current state of airline flight attendants. The full audio is embedded below and it’s definitely offensive and NSFW, which is why we posted it on a Friday because, it’s fun to do wacky stuff on Fridays like wear Hawaiian shirts or go up to that new chick in accounting and throw a few double entendres her direction to see how she handles herself. TGIF, bitches! Sometimes you just gotta grab the mic and transmit some horrible homophobic and misogynistic stuff to anyone with the frequency ya know?

This morning people were crying over the traffic as it ground to a halt because of yet another truck spilling it’s payload all over the highway and the aroma the payload left behind.

A truck lost a load of onions on I-55 just north of the 7th Street/Park exit, north of where [I-44 and I-55] merge south of downtown.

After clearing the onions themselves off to the shoulder, crews called in a street sweeper to clean up the juice left over after hundreds were run over by vehicles. Apparently onion juice is very slick.

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It’s a bit of a bummer that we won’t be able to personally cover St. Louis’ “pop culture/sci fi/horror convention”, Contamination, like we did last year because of schedule conflicts, but we wanted to give them a mention anyway.

Contamination: 2011, the “sequel” to last year’s even seems to be even bigger with none other than celebrity headliner: Eric Roberts! Oh yes…Eric Roberts. The star (ahem) of both “The Dark Knight” and “VH1: Celebrity Rehab” will be in St. Louis this weekend! Here’s what else is happening: