PUNCHING KITTY

If you told me that you have $1.5 Million to spend and really love open spaces that used to be filled with long-since empty stores and cart after cart of hair extension and bedazzled cell phone cases, then do we have the place for you!

Northwest Plaza Mall and 500 Office Tower is a one- and two-story super regional mall with a 12-story office building that has 1,829,261 square feet of gross leasable area in St. Ann, a suburb in St. Louis. The mall is currently 8.54% occupied and the office portion is 47.29% occupied. Overall occupancy is 11.87%. The center was formerly anchored by Macy’s, Sears, Dillard’s, and Steve and Barry’s, though all anchors have vacated as of the date of appraisal. Additional outparcel stores include a vacant Toys R Us and vacant The Bedroom Store.

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The Congressman for Missouri’s 7th District, Billy Long, took to twitter earlier today to finally make the connection we’ve all been searching for: How is the government’s looming debt crisis like Amy Winehouse’s recent demise?

Nailed it. Way to related to the young people, old fat guy in a cowboy hat that makes odd references to a celebrity death on the currently popular social network!

Congressman Boss Hog here thought he was mighty clever after he thought this one up! You get it right? Both Winehouse and the government are “addicted” to stuff, and reaching August 2nd without a new debt ceiling deal in place will be like America passed out and died on the floor of our London flat…wait, what?

Six people were shocked while swimming in a Granite City swimming pool over the weekend, and while everyone is fine, the question remains: Why were they shocked?

Was there a loose wire in some part of the pool? Was there some foul play afoot? …or was it something more obvious? Maybe they were shocked when uncle Jerry belly flopped his suit right off…or maybe they were shocked only after finding out that Granite City is actually in Illinois and finally realized why their house was so cheap. It could have also been the total shock of Amy Winehouse dying, because weren’t we all surprised to see the reports of the “Rehab” singer being found on the floor of her flat? It may have been drugs, it could have been a body giving up after being so ugly for so long, or maybe there was a giant tumor under than beehive, who knows*!

Joe Strauss, of the Post Dispatch, stirred up the seemingly always simmering pot of crazy Colby Rasmus chili with a report stating that the Cardinals were in deep talks to trade their former top prospect to the Chicago White Sox for starting pitcher Edwin Jackson or reliever Matt Thornton.

Five reasons why this deal might happen:

1. Colby’s a head-case. He’s always sad about being picked on because of something, and while he may not deserve all the flack he gets, the center fielder never seems to handle it well.

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Update: We had a super-quick Twitter interview with the man himself. Check it out below!

St. Peters motorists yesterday evening were shocked after their eyes focused on the lilly white blur in the lane next to them. A naked dude on a motorcycle was seen heading east down Interstate 70, around the Cave Springs area, presumably heading MidRivers Mall or possibly Costco since jeans are really cheap there.

It’s hot as hell, and we know it’s the cheesiest thing you could do this time of the year, but we got a egg and we tried to fry it on the forehead of a homeless guy. It didn’t really work. The edges kind of cooked a little but the middle didn’t get too far along. It could have used more time but homeless guy got all mad about it. All we’re saying is that it could have easily been poop on your head, so if you look at it that way, egg isn’t so bad.

Justin Rigali was the Archbishop of St. Louis until he got all big time a few years ago and bolted to Philly for the same job. What’s Philly have that we don’t? Cheesesteaks, sure…and some busted ass bell, a bunch of crappy fans…oh and a bunch of pedophile priests.

A report appearing in Monday’s _Philadelphia Daily News _said Cardinal Justin Rigali has submitted a letter of resignation to Pope Benedict XVI, and the pope is expected to accept Rigali’s resignation as early as Tuesday.

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Today’s winner is on Perry Crawford who…

…is facing charges for burglary, assault, possession of a controlled substance and resisting arrest. Police say he burglarized a home in Wright City, Mo. on July 7 and assaulted on officer.

…and then apparently recieved the same pillow in prison that we have at home since we too wake up with a full loop on the top of our heads some times. The gross legions must have been caused by his mattress…or his fight with the police…or AIDS. Either way, he’s really freaking out our friend “surprised cat”.

The Enquirer, bastion of all that is good in the world of reporting…you know this sentence started out as a joke, but half way through we thought “How much worse are they really than the cable news channels?” Good point inner monologue! We’re running with this story about St. Louisan Jon Hamm for sure then!

Friends of Jon Hamm fear that he is taking after his hard-drinking TV character Don Draper – and if he doesn’t back off the bottle, he could land in rehab. Hamm was spotted July 1 stumbling out of Little Dom’s restaurant in LA with his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt.

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A tanker truck was rumbling down I-44 Friday night leaking sulfuric acid on to the street which is a problem because it turns out that stuff is bad for you.

Witness say a tractor trailer was leaking fluids while driving down the highway. Officials were notified, and an officer stopped the vehicle around 7:30p.m.

Obviously, emergency crews had to shut down the highway as well as rush the officer who stopped the truck to the hospital after he got sick from inhaling the fumes (he’ll be fine). Soon after, authorities released the truck and he continued on his way down I-44 to on Bourbon where we assume everything turned out just fine.