PUNCHING KITTY: 2009 - 2013

Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously…and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way. Not everyone liked it (it turns out people don’t love being made fun of) but we converted a lot of people and I take pride that the site was truly well read. From the local media, to area police departments, Punching Kitty truly became a source for news and entertainment for St. Louis.

We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. When we closed up shop the news made local radio, TV, and even the front page of STLToday (The St. Louis Post Dispatch’s website) where we were the top story over a new pope being named. Wild stuff.

While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive for St. Louis.

- The Editor

Missouri and Illinois Have “Un-Fair” Judges

This according to a survey done by some fancy something or other.

Missouri ranked 37th among the 50 states for the perceived fairness of its litigation environment. This is down from its 2008 ranking of 31 as well as from its rank of 34 in 2007.

Illinois came in at No. 45 for the perceived fairness of its litigation environment. It ranked 46th in both 2007 and 2008.

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St. Louis Contestant First One Kicked Off America’s Next Top Model

I know!! We’re shocked too! We had no idea this show was still on! Much like Tyra Banks’ dress sized the seasons keep get on bigger and bigger…this season that just began is 14.  Jesus. 14! For a reality show at that.

Well 14 is apparently the season that someone from St. Louis finally made the cut. Yea!

…but she was the first one kicked off.

Boo.

Why Tyra?! Why would you kick off the St. Louis girl…and first! Oh. Because she was a scary looking:

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St. Louis Dudes Have the 10th Biggest Wangs in America

That’s right! 10th!  …and the best part is, this is finally a good list to be on!  Now if you’ll excuse us…

Hey Boston, where you at? Oh 15.  That’s cute I guess…glad you barely made the list…it’s probably a “nice” size which we both know means its small.  Kansas City! Looking good out there not even ranking in the top 15, its cool though, we hear fat chicks will take just about anything.

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Oldest Living Missourian Dies, Tells Everyone Bogus Tips on How to Live as Long as Her

Missouri’s oldest resident has finally kicked the bucket.  112 year old Florence Poe, died on Tuesday from complications of a stroke she had experienced a few days prior. Born on August 24th, 1897, Florence lived on her own until her 90’s when she moved in with her daughter and then later at the Ratliff Care Center.

Michael Ratliff, the center’s administrator, said Poe remained active in her last months. He once asked her the secret to a long life.

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Pujols Likes Milk, Well We Think That’s Milk…Of Course it is. Why Wouldn’t It Be?

Albert “Stop Calling My El Hombre” Pujols finally got on a Got Milk ad. Apparently being the best player in a major sport doesn’t qualify you ahead of a bunch of crappy musicians, actors and a guy that beat the hell out of his girlfriend. In fact we here are loving the irony of how bad ass Pujols’ Got Milk ad is in comparison to Chris Brown’s…ahem…less bad ass ad.

Another thing we are wondering, did they do the whole “Pujols’ eyes follow you where ever you go” thing on purpose to intimidate me in to drinking milk? It’s totally working. Just saying.

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Oh Dana, Couldn’t You Dress Up a Little For Your TV Appearance?

St. Louis’ own conservative poster child Dana Loesch was on cable news the other night…take a guess which channel. If you guessed LOGO, you should really read the internet more often. The answer was of course Fox News and in particular, the Bill O’Reilly show where Dana was on to talk about recent Tea Party rally where allegedly racist remarks were yelled at our very own African-American State Congressman Emmanuel Cleaver.

Here is our summary:

Dana Loesch: Hi I’m Dana. I decided to dress punk princess to make sure I’m different than all the other TV people and in the presence of O’Reilly I’m way more cutesy than normal.  Also I think…

Bill O’Reilly: I like to interrupt everyone, even people that are on my side of the aisle, which even if you agree with me, makes my show very difficult to watch. No one understands but whatever, lets talk about the rally.

Dana:  I looked at a lot of video of the rally and its clear this was a leftist plot to make up the fact that no one actually said anything racist.  And another thing…

Bill: Well look, just because there’s no video of it, doesn’t mean its not true. We have no reason not to believe the Congressman.

Dana: He’s from my state. [Sarah Palin wink]

Bill: [Ignoring her.] We don’t know…

Dana: Well.

Bill: it was that was…

Dana: Yeah…but…

Bill: but clearly something was said, but it annoys me that this is news.

Dana: Totally. Don’t forget about this other thing that I think should have been important but no one agrees and I’m still trying…

Bill: I don’t care either actually.

Dana: I still can’t believe people would make this issue up!

Bill: How do you know its made up?

Dana: Because its wasn’t on video.

Bill: That’s dumb.

Dana: But this Congressman voted for health care so he must be a liar.

Bill: I’m sorry, that’s even too crazy for me.

Seriously, that’s how it went down. We swear, and watch for your self below (the jump).

I think no matter your politics, we can all agree that it’s really something when you’re farther right than Bill O’Reilly.

Sorry Dana (and fans) for a little ribbing, but we haven’t poked fun at Dana for a while.  We think she’s cool with it…

Hmm. Or not.

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St. Louis Company Invents Graffiti Detection System

Personally, we like a little graffiti on our urban landscape. Without graffiti, how would we ever know who to fear, or what gang is most likely to shoot us in this particular area?  Too bad a certain narc company is making the technology to stop all of that.

The Merlin graffiti-detection system system uses audio signature recognition software attached to the side of a building to distinguish the specific noise profile of a spray can and notify police if someone attempts to spray a graffiti message.

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Top Twenty Isn’t Bad: St. Louis Metro Ranked 18th in Population

In the last pseudo-official yearly tally before we get the numbers from the 2010 census form you are filling out as we speak, St. Louis clocked as the 18th most populated metro area. Just above Tampa, FL and just below San Diego, CA…two cities that we would rather be than here.

We thought this would be a good time to celebrate other 18’s like…

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18  cities  list 

Illinois Wants Four Day School Weeks, Apparently Hates Parents

The Illinois Senate is currently mulling over a move that would make all Illinois State public schools to go from the standard five-day school week to the severely retarded idea of a four-day school week.

The Illinois senate is considering a measure that would change the current five-day school week into a four-day week for public school students.

The proposal has already received approval in the Illinois House.

Over the past few years, similar legislation has been presented by Missouri lawmakers but all have been rejected.

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Two Brothers Get Heart Attacks at the Same Time

Two Poplar Bluff brothers went in to cardiac arrest at virtually the exact same time right next to one another.

When Crocket Lacy went into cardiac arrest, he was lucky his brother, Ronnie, was there.

Then Ronnie had his own heart attack. Both men were taken to a Poplar Bluff hospital emergency room, where both of their hearts stopped virtually simultaneously.

Both were saved, but doctors are still amazed at the coincidence of two brothers going “code blue” at the same time.

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