PUNCHING KITTY

A family (not pictured) stumbled across a tied up and nearly dead woman laying a creek bed in Forest Park last week. Though if you ask the Post Dispatch, its clear they think the father was the star of the show here, and even mentioned about 100 times that he is a Boy Scout Master. Who cares? Freaking girl nearly died, why do I care why the people who found her were in the park for? People go to Forest Park all the time, I don’t need each of their life stories.

We love our readers, so cordial and internet savvy. We also like this guy too, just because we just want to pat him on the head, wipe his face and help him tighten his retard helment’s chin strap.

Have you ever bothered to view your site in IE? It looks really, well…like your [sic] dumb.

We’re dumb, yet you use Internet Explorer, apparently willingly. Wait…does your mom know you are on the computer?

We “like” lots of St. Louis restaurants, but we only love a few. Gyro House in the Loop is one of them, though sadly it’s owner was shot and killed outside of his home Friday night in Maplewood.

It’s weird. We’ve seen Ahmed a lot though didn’t actually know his name until now, and never said much more to him other than “Jumbo gyro to go.” and “Thanks.”

Found this fun little time-lapse video Sean Trani took while driving in to St. Louis a while back, for your Friday enjoyment as you watch the clock ticking…ticking… Can you believe it’s already 4pm?!

Nah. We’re joking. It’s only 2.

If you go poop for an hour it will be 3 when you get out though. Just a thought.

We now hear that both morning and the afternoon shift has been filled at St. Louis’ newest music station, 100.3 The Sound.

So, um….there you go. Pretty. Exciting. Stuff.

In a related story, I found that pushing on your eye for 2 minutes produces a little squiggly color line show that is just as good as or better than NCIS.

Oh shit I’m sorry. I forgot that school is out and we have more young readers throughout the day!

A house exploded on Big Bend Station in Manchester Wednesday! I wonder what awesome project was being worked on in there…flubber? Creating a woman that will have sex with anyone? Maybe a transporter? …must be awesome though because they blew up the house and that mean crazy kid scientist that will walk out with soot all over his face and his hair spiked looking dazed, but totally fine. His parents will just look at him…”That’s our Jimmy!”

Hey guess what 2010, you’re not really all that advanced and progressive as Twitter would have you believe. Black guys are still getting pulled over at an alarmingly higher rate.

The first report, issued in 2001, said black motorists in Missouri were 30 percent more likely than whites to be pulled over, when considering total populations of driving-age residents by race. For 2009, the year that Koster reported upon today, blacks were 62 percent more likely than whites to be stopped.

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Which old-timer St. Louis sports announcer was spotted deciding it was quicker to just whip it out and pee in the parking lot, in broad daylight, instead of heading inside for a real bathroom?

In other news, the above mentioned’s employer is more pissed off than pissed on about the the performance the deal they signed that included the old parking lot pisser, trying desperately to dump the broadcast contract.

St. Louis’ finest has struck a big blow against our city’s horrible car theft problem with a new program, netting nearly 50 criminals in just one week.

The new program is called “Actually Trying”

Thieves are becoming more sophisticated and more organized when it comes to what police call ‘car clouting,’ according to authorities. To fight back, a special patrol of officers is working the central corridor of the city from downtown to the Central West End.

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There is no one out there on the internet that is better than the old linkbait list than the Daily Beast. Here we go falling for it again.

In their latest list, they poured over fatal accident data from the National Highway Safety Administration to determine what chunks of interstate roads were, statistically, the most dangerous.

Some roads are more dangerous than others—reckless or distracted drivers seem to congregate on certain highway corridors, while poor road maintenance is another common cause of collisions. We crunched the numbers for five years of accident data, courtesy of the NHSA, from nearly 250 stretches of interstate highways to find out which roads are the most deadly, mile-for-mile.

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