PUNCHING KITTY

Local cutie turned TV and movie star, Jenna Fischer, got married last weekend to her second husband, writer Lee Kirk who has really squinty eyes all the time.

…and, of course, they were married by Survivor host Jeff Probst.

It’s no secret that the Office hottie tied the knot with writer Lee Kirk earlier this month, but it took almost three weeks to unearth the eyebrow-cocking revelation that the officiant of their vow-swap was none other than the_Survivor_ host-turned-alliance king himself.

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No doubt you’ve heard of the brutal murder scene discovered in East St. Louis recently. No not that one, the other one. No, the more brutal one. …ok, it was the one where a man, Zachary Irvin, was dismembered and burned to death. According to STLToday:

Irvin’s dismembered body was found burning on top of a metal landscaping cart nearby. Evidence led investigators to the large warehouse along Front Street, where they found three rooms with blood-spattered floors and walls.

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St. Louis is being attacked by lightning! …Is there some biblical situation going on we aren’t aware of?

First on Monday, two people were struck by lightning. One person, someone STLToday called a “seasonal laborer”, in Forest Park by the Jewel Box and the other Chouteau.

A seasonal laborer was reportedly struck at the Jewel Box in Forest Park, Capt. Michael Pickett said. The worker was conscious and alert when paramedics arrived but was taken to Barnes-Jewish Hospital for evaluation. Pickett said it appeared to have been a secondary strike that may have hit the ground first.

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The Associated Press as well as our friends at the Riverfront Times and STLMedia are all reporting that St. Louis’ newest media entrant, the Globe Democrat, is losing their sports staff.

“Why?” You ask, tilting your head slightly to the right like a little puppy.

Well dear reader, when you don’t pay your employees, they tend to hate your guts and then usually choose to stop working for you.

Well played St. Louis. Guns are so ordinary, so pedestrian. You want to get attention, and maybe a free Frisco Jack combo? The axe is really your only choice.

About 8:55 a.m., someone ran up to [Policeman Luther] Tyus and told him that a man with an ax was robbing the Jack in the Box a few doors away, at 4201 South Kingshighway.

Tyus walked into the busy restaurant with his gun drawn. He saw the robber carrying an ax that was bigger than a hatchet.

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“Saw you in them pants!”

Oh you sweet talker you! What’s this? Did our panties just drop?! Damn we knew we shouldn’t have worn our loosest pair of panties while going through Craigslist’s Missed Connections.

saw you in them pants – m4w – 42 (wentzville walmart)

****you were working in the dairy section with a price gun and tight pants.

your in your 40s and are as fit as a fiddle. ass and legs ! nice !!

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The Cubs are horrible even when they should be good, but managed to do what many teams haven’t been able to do: Take the fun out of the game for Lou Piniella, as “Sweet” Lou  announced that this season will be his last as a major league manager, retiring after 18 years as a player and 22 as a manager.

“It’s been a wonderful experience,” he said. “There’s no way that I won’t cherish the memories here.”

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After a 45 minute fight, Greg Bernal finally managed to real in one giant catfish. Greg was in the boat with his girlfriend, who somehow managed to not breakup with him after watching him real in a fish for close to an hour, when he pulled the beast from the water to exclaim “This could be a new state record.” He could be right and then some… (according to KSDK)

Bernal said he and his girlfriend, Janet, went fishing on the Missouri River near the Columbia Bottom Conservation Area at dusk on Monday. They weren’t having much luck, moving around throughout the night and casting their lines to no avail.

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The Cincinnati Reds currently count quite a few former Cardinals on their staff, starting from the top with Walt Jockety, and following up with Scott Rolen, Russ Springer, Mike Lincoln, and now, possibly, Jason Isringhausen?

You think watching Ryan Franklin every night gives you a ulcer? Izzy’s back ya’ll!

Appearing on KFNS 590 The Fan with Doug Vaughn this morning, free agent reliever Jason Isringhausen said he has a tentative plan to audition for the Reds tomorrow.

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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Zac Efron, the star of the famous High School Singy Song Show With Chicks That Are Way to Hot to be In Disney Movies Music (or whatever) movie series, is coming to St. Louis tomorrow to show his new, non-signing movie Charlie St. Cloud.

You might be asking yourself “Why would he do that?”

We don’t know.

Oh wait yes we do. Someone won a contest or something.

The 22-year-old _Charlie St. Cloud_actor will be heading to St. Louis, Missouri NEXT Wednesday, July 21 to premiere his flick with the winner of the nationwide hometown screening contest — Jerry Sanoval, 43.

Ha. No, we’re kidding. The winner’s name is Emily Johnson. Having a pervy 43 year old dude win would be far more funny though.

Other situations that would make this more funny include: Some sort of cream pie gag, several rubber chickens attending the show somehow and Zac bringing girlfriend and co-star Vanessa Hudgens over to our place to keep her company while he’s at the premiere.

The last one is funny because we would be like “Whoa that actually happened. That’s funny.” The rest of it wouldn’t be “funny” pre se.

via JustJared

Click through the jump to see Vanessa if you aren’t familiar with her talents.