The Cardinals are winning and avoiding their all too frequent ass kicking defeats, but somehow Skip Schumaker is still going to wake up today with a sore ass.
Deadspin: “Skip Schumaker Got Fisted By A Teammate After The Cardinals’ Walk-Off Win”
Here’s Cardinal Prospect Kolten Wong With His Shirt Off Talking About His Tattoos
The Cardinals are looking for anyone that can make them suck less on a regular basis, but it’s said they are not looking for help at second base. The reason? Kolten Wong (he’s the shirtless guy above).
Here’s the Cardinals prospect doing a video for someone about living in Springfield, MO (where the Cardinals AA team is located), his family back home in Hawaii, and something about his tattoos which was clearly a question designed to get him to take off his shirt.
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Lance Berkman Eyes Return to Cardinals and the Creepiest Baseball Pose Ever
Everyone’s favorite Cardinal not named David Freese, Lance Berkman, is about to return to the club after a long stint on the disabled list, and he’s really looking forward to it. Like super excited. Really really really excited. Creepy excited:
…maybe a little too excited.
Take it down a notch Lance.
via STLToday
SNY Broadcasted Mets No Hitter Reaction From Both R.A. Dicky and an Actual Dick
So the Cardinals got no-hit last night by the Mets…which sucks…and it’s even bigger news than a “regular” no-hitter since it’s the first one ever for the Mets, so it’s all over the news…which sucks more. Sliver lining: While interviewing today’s Mets’ piture about the no-hitter, Mets channel SNY accidentally broadcast a full set of dick and balls. Here’s the screenshot as uploaded to Reddit by “pminkin” earlier today (which we’ve edited by drawing a cartoon dick over the actual dick…not R.
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Sam Bradford and Tim Tebow Worship the Nike Devil According to Crazy Guy on Internet
All those people out there that think Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and Rams starting QB Sam Bradford are nice, super Christian-types are dead wrong. Turns out both of these guys not-so-secretly worship the pagan god Nike and they must be stopped! …or at least that’s what the crazy guy on the internet told us.
[Editor’s Note: Everything below is for realz what one guy thinks. So consider this as confirmation of each and every one of the following crazy statements below.
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The World’s Stupidest Tattoo Features 2011 World Series
It was a hot Memorial Day weekend in St. Louis, so you no doubt bore witness to a large number of dudes peeling their shirt off by the lake or BBQing or other mundane situations that make guys think they should take their shirt off. While all those shirts where being pulled off they no doubt uncovered lots of horrible things like fat, hair, oddly large nipples and more often than not, horrible tattoos.
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Fox Sports Midwest Thinks All Middle Infielder Bench Players Are the Same
Good catch by the tip line from yesterday’s Cardinal game. Poor Daniel Descalso, he’s only going to hit a few home runs each year, so the least Fox Sports Midwest could do is get the man’s name right as he rounds the bases.
Of course it could be worse. They could have called him “Bench Player Guy”, like poor “Minor League Guy” from spring training.
KSDK Found Shorts For the Cardinal Game Streaker (Updated)
Update: The is word that it wasn’t Photoshopped, but he was brought the shorts from the stands. The videos don’t show that however. Apologies to KSDK.
Original post follows because we just can’t let that Pirate Pants thing we made go to waste.
Everyone is all over the Cardinals streaker story this morning because some guy running around with his junk out is widely entertaining during a Cardinals game and a captive audience, but not funny at all when we do it at the mall or at a Pee Wee Football game.
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Conan Makes a Pujols Joke
Ok, we mentioned him one more time after all. We just couldn’t leave a Conan joke unmentioned!
via the Tip Line
St. Louis Gets Lingerie Football Team
We’ve always wished for the day when it would be announced that St. Louis would be the home of years of girls playing football in tight little outfits…but sadly the Rams still haven’t worked out their deal with the city, so Lingerie Football will have to do. [Editor’s Note: Tip you’re waitress folks!]
The St. Louis squad will compete in the Eastern Conference against the Baltimore Charm, the Cleveland Crush, the Philadelphia Passion, the Tampa Breeze and another expansion team in Omaha.
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