What is the world coming to when we can’t even trust ladies that take their clothes off and grind their snizz against diseased brass polls and diseased old dude’s faces in the worst city in America for a stack of dollar bills that looks like a lot to them but adds up to $23 dollars if you know math to be a good mother’s to their children?!

The Globe Democrat is reporting on a “prank” that is giving everyone fits at Mizzou:

University of Missouri Columbia students spoke out at a Town Hall meeting Monday night after an incident at the Black Culture Center early Friday morning where someone left cotton balls on the ground in front of the building.

Oh I get it.  Because all the black kids that go to Mizzou were slaves not long ago and picked cotton!  …oh wait. Half these kids probably didn’t even get the lame joke until someone explained it to them.  Nothing is funnier than a joke that needs explanation or references events from over 100 years ago.  Hilarious.  Sure this is offensive, but its more offensive that someone thought this was going to play on some level.  This is like telling industrial revolution jokes.

Remember way back to yesterday?  About those bitches who were talking about cheating on their boyfriend and then that awesome dude got them back like a super badass?

Go check it out.  We’ll wait.

Have you ever seen a dog happier than this?  Oh, your back.  Lets continue.

Well we have an update to that story, once again, courtesy of Reddit.

Hey, How’s it going? I wanted to thank you for your craigslist post. I’m not Kris, my name is Ed. I don’t know if your story involved me or not, but it sure got things done, in my life.

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Remember forever ago when a script for those sissy vampire movies “New Moon” and whatever the next one is was found in a Loop dumpster behind some salon?  Well, that happened.  Trust me.  The next part is that the salon owner found it and did the nice thing by giving it back to the studio.  The studio was so happy it gave her tickets to both movie premieres, and the salon owner was so greatful that she went to one that then decided to sell the other ticket on e-bay. The studio was all like “nu-uh bitch!” and made her pull the auction down and then she tried to sell them privately, but the studio again put the smack down on the sale with an ultimatum.  The owner, St. Louisian Casey Ray, says she has every right to sell the tickets and is now suing the studio.

What the hell is going on in Sunset Hills?  Apparently the following things have happened there:

1. Someone honked and someone else in the street.

“They didn’t see me coming, I honked my horn once for safety measures,” she said.

“There was a UPS truck was coming up the street at the same time.”

Wymer, a neo-natal nurse at Cardinal Glennon Hospital, said she was concerned about the daughter in the stroller. She said she honked once for only a few seconds. “They were so disturbed by the honk,” she said.

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Guess what?!  Another study came out saying that living in St. Louis city proper is a death wish!

Residents of St. Charles County have the best opportunities in Missouri to be healthy, while people who live in St. Louis city have the worst, according to a new report.

To compile the report, researchers looked at data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Environmental Protection Agency, the FBI, the U.S. Census Bureau and other sources.

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President Obama will be making a trip to St. Louis next week to attend a fundraiser for fellow Democrat and Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill.   But we here at Punching Kitty are sure he will make time for a quick drive down Barack Obama Blvd to have a slice of Pi Pizza.

In a completely unrelated story, outspoken conservative mouth-piece and general easy-going #1 fan of Punching Kitty.com [Editor’s Note: *cough*] Dana Loesch recently won a week-long all-expenses paid trip to “anywhere but here” by a little known company named Flowers By Irene.  A mysterious black van will be picking her up when she least expects it later this week.

On Saturday, a 11-year old boy was visiting someone when he wandered across a loaded shotgun.  You know how this goes…he started playing with it and some how managed to shoot himself in the butt.

He is in critical but stable condition.

From the Globe Democrat:

Authorities said the gun belonged to a 52-year old man who lives at the home on Dick Gregory Place. So far no charges have been filed against the owner of the gun.

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The Globe-Democrat has a message for all you little rich kids that have plenty of money but not enough to buy yourself big enough rocks to buy actual pot:

A local doctor says young adults who smoke K2 or “fake weed” to achieve a similar high as received from smoking marijuana, may suffer serious reactions instead.

K2 is a dried herb legally sold in at least four shops in the St. Louis area in three gram packages for $30 to anyone over the age of 18.

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The Buffalo Wild Wings near Mid Rivers Mall in St. Peters was evacuated today after a bag with a “suspicious” device inside was found.

St. Peters police and fire and the St. Charles County Bomb Squad were called to the restaurant at I-70 and Mid Rivers Mall about the suspicious bag around 10:00 a.m. inside the business.

All of the employees had to evacuate the building until the bag was removed.

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