It’s Raining Homeless Children in St. Louis

 Posted on May 16, 2011  |  The Editor

A 3-year-old boy bouncing on a fourth-floor bed of a homeless bounced himself right out the window, landing on second floor deck roof and somehow escaped serious harm. Turns out all our mothers were right, you should totally not bounce on the bed. We hate when she’s right! We’re suddenly very aware of the amount of hairs growing on our palms. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports the boy was bouncing on a bed Wednesday night at the Gateway 180 shelter when he fell through an open window. [Read More]
homeless  injury  kids  morons  shelter 

The Fox Theatre Burns, 2/8ths of the Fabulous Lost in Fire

 Posted on May 16, 2011  |  The Editor

Those a full two alarms less hot than my crazy uncle’s favorite chili, a three-alarm fire made fire trucks rush to the Fox Theatre and forced them to cancel the two Jersey Boys shows scheduled for that night. We assume the Sunday fire was a dry run, but the fire planned on June 21st to finally burn a little off the top of Lyle Lovett will be the real deal as we can’t figure out another reason to invite Lyle Lovett to town. [Read More]
fire  fox theatre  jersey boys  lyle lovett 

Plato, Missouri is the New Population Center

 Posted on May 10, 2011  |  The Editor

The 2010 Census data has been calculated and the government has announced that Plato, MO is the new “population center” of the United States. It sure sounds impressive, but what the hell does “population center” mean? The mean population center represents the point at which a perfectly flat and rigid map of the United States would balance perfectly if all 308.7 million residents weigh the same and are counted where they live. [Read More]
census  population 

Hopeville Residents Get Moved Again…to Apartments!

 Posted on May 9, 2011  |  The Editor

The story of St. Louis’ most prominent homeless camp, Hopeville, never seems to end. They’ve been threatened by the city government, then moved, then threatened with removal once again…and now they’re being moved…again. There’s a pattern here we think, but it’s being covered up by one of those big homeless guy coats that holds in all the stink. St. Louis city leaders say the homeless cannot continue to camp in their makeshift homes along the riverfront. [Read More]
homeless  hopeville 

Worse Than Us: Detroit Can’t Read

 Posted on May 9, 2011  |  The Editor

Quick! What’s the word floccinaucinihilipilification mean? …no clue? Don’t feel bad average St. Louisan! The guy reading over your shoulder in the Tigers hat is probably still working on the word “Q-u-i-c-k” According to a new report, 47 percent of Detroiters are ”functionally illiterate.” The alarming new statistics were released by the Detroit Regional Workforce Fund on Wednesday. “Not able to fill out basic forms, for getting a job — those types of basic everyday (things). [Read More]
detroit  education  morons  reading 

Chicken Parts Spread Across Highway 40 From Mystery Truck

 Posted on May 5, 2011  |  The Editor

If you noticed your drive down highway 40 through Chesterfield on Tuesday had a new chicken smell overpowering the usual stink of fast food chains and the ever-present fear of a levy breaking. Though, if you drive past Chick-Fil-A, you may not have noticed. Chesterfield Police Lt. Steve Lewis says police are still looking for the truck that dropped a giant load of chicken parts in the eastbound lanes near the Timberlake Manor Parkway exit about 4:30 p. [Read More]
chicken  highway 40  weird 

The Important Thing Was She Gave the Pervert the Correct Time

 Posted on April 29, 2011  |  The Editor

When you’re 17 you do some crazy stuff. One summer a few of us guys decided to make a pact to get laid before we went to college, it was a wild time trying to get laid and win the bet. One guy screwed a pie, another guy banged the other dude’s mom and along the way we coined the term MILF that is still a popular parlance today. That may have actually been a movie I saw when we were 17, but still…wild times. [Read More]
nudity  pervert  sextastic  sexual abuse 

St. Louis Craigslist User Wants You to Help Make Cannabis…Uh…Man I’m Hungry?

 Posted on April 27, 2011  |  The Editor

…oh yeah…help make cannabis legal! Saturday May 7th! …don’t forget to get some Funyuns…maybe we can do some hooka afterwards since we’ll be in the Loop…oh dude, and then Fitz’s for fried pickles! This is a classic “Oh man, lets try to get weed to be legal” move: Post a vague meeting date on Craigslist, make no mention of what you plan to do or accomplish and make the meeting for the hippiest part of town. [Read More]
craigslist  weed  weird 

Tony LaRussa’s Daughter Makes it on 2011 Raiderette Squad

 Posted on April 26, 2011  |  The Editor

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa’s hot daughter surprised her family by trying out for, and making it on to the 2011 Raiderette cheerleading squad. Sure, there may not be any Raiders games this year, but would you rather read about this and look at pictures of her, or hear more about the rain? Bianca, who goes by “Bianca Tai” on twitter, announced the news last week. “A goal and a dream come true- I’m a 2011 Raiderette! [Read More]
bianca larussa  celebrity  cheerleader  raiders  tony larussa 

Ryan Franklin Shaves Beard, Only Finds More Horribleness Underneath

 Posted on April 25, 2011  |  The Editor

Well, you’re chin is the last place we would look for more pitching ability and apparently Ryan Franklin has finally reached that point, shaving of his famous goatee. So that’s how we’re going to play it this year huh Franklin? Times get tough and you lop off trademark-able facial hair? (ahem) We wouldn’t do it. Maybe we were fans of the Oklahoma Sooners (just an example) and whenever they had a bad game would we’d go out an shave the mane off the mascot? [Read More]
baseball  beard  cardinals  celebrity  ryan franklin