Crime

Comic Book Guy Standoff: Please Do Not Arrest Me on the Display Case, It Contains a Valuable Mary Worth

Posted on November 1, 2010 | The Editor

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. It took St. Louis police 3 and a half hours to peaceably coax suspected rapist and comic book shop owner, Kenneth McClure, to put down his weapon and come out of his south Hampton store, Legends Comics & Sports Cards. Police said McClure was armed when the officers arrived and refused to leave the building. They said he was the only person involved. [Read More]

What Ever the Hell This Thing is Slashed a Bunch of Tires

Posted on October 29, 2010 | The Editor

It’s Halloween weekend, so we’ll be cool about it scaring the crap out of that chubby little girl, but slashing tires? I thought things that looked like this stayed under bridges most of the time! Belleville Police report that Susan L. Stone, 48, of Lenzburg, Ill., also known as David Stone, has been charged with two counts of criminal damage to property related to several tire slashings there. Why would David/Susan go off on some tires? [Read More]

belleville tire slashing troll

Three Inmates, One With Sidespike, Escaped From Prison

Posted on October 27, 2010 | The Editor

Three inmates have escaped from the Daviess/DeKalp County jail in Pattonsburg, Missouri by crawling under a fence. They escaped in to the small town with no shoes but wearing their standard-issue prison orange jumpsuit. Obviously, this has the prison and the town on full alert. Three inmates, including a convicted murderer, escaped from a northwest Missouri jail by crawling under a fence, leading authorities to lock down the surrounding community’s school and to go door-to-door warning residents. [Read More]

escape prison sidespike

Mug Shot: Derp! Me Likey the Kiddies!

Posted on October 25, 2010 | The Editor

Scott Simmons, a 46 year old man from Alton, Illinois has been arrested after “hundreds of files” of kiddie p0rn were found on his computer. KMOV didn’t say how the child pornography was found, but after looking at his mugshot he probably either took it in to a Best Buy to get it fixed and forgot to change his little boy in the Donald Duck outfit wallpaper or simply ran around Alton yelling “Me likey the kiddies! [Read More]

alton child pornography pervert

Squirrely-Looking Convict Running Free in St. Charles Amid Other Squirrly-Looking St. Charles County Residents

Posted on October 22, 2010 | The Editor

Update: After making all the way to his native Warrenton, MO, his parents urged him to turn in himself, which is what he did Friday. Original post follows… Smirky McPimplehead over here somehow managed to escape the dead fish handshake like grip of the St. Louis County police Wednesday night when he jumped out of the transport van in downtown St. Charles. Jonathan Banta, 21, of the 5000 block of West Clay Street in St. [Read More]

convict escape st charles

Ugliest Woman Ever Wanted for St. Charles Robbery

Posted on October 21, 2010 | The Editor

Umm…is your bank robber bald? No, ok, see ya Bill. Are they a woman? Sweet, ok. Not Jim or Harry then. Maybe we’re looking for Anne…wait! Is your person horrible disfigured with a giant inhuman nose, creepy cheek bones, off-center eyes and lips like two pontoons? Yes? We know who you are now! This freak: Apparently Frankenstein up here took part in the robbery of a St. Charles payday loan joint and the police thing this retarded sketch is going to help them crack the case. [Read More]

robbery sketch st charles

Military Recruiter Stabbed in Fairview Heights

Posted on October 20, 2010 | The Editor

Police are hunting down a guy that walked in to one of those strip mall Military Recruiter places in Fairview Heights and stabbed the sergeant when he turned his back for a moment. The recruiter had exited a back room, saw the man in the reception area and asked him if he was interested in joining the military. The recruiter then turned around in his office chair to get some paperwork, police said. [Read More]

fairview heights military stabbing

St. Clair County Police to Unleash “The Exterminator”

Posted on October 19, 2010 | The Editor

The police are officially out of ideas. This site welcomes our new criminal overlords. Tuesday, the department will unveil a new vehicle it’s calling ‘The Exterminator.’ It’s a refurbished armored truck that’s equipped with video cameras, digital recorders and live video streaming computers. Yes, it totally sounds like the St. Clair Police Department are getting in to the “Bang Bus” porno game, but sadly that’s not the plan… ‘The Exterminator’ will be parked in front of suspects’ homes and video from the four cameras is streamed live to computers at the Sheriff’s Department. [Read More]

exterminator st. clair

Maybe the Public Hot Tubbing with a 10-Year Old Was Too Much?

Posted on October 13, 2010 | The Editor

We remember going to the St. Peters Rec-Plex back in the day. They played on song seemingly over and over again all day: “The House of Stone and Light” by Martin Page. You know the song…the one with the thing and the guy singing. Yeah, you got it. Anyway, great place for a kid though despite the constant repetition of one-hit-wonder mid-90’s Stonehenge anthems. The ice skating, the big water slide, basketball courts, having 29 year olds with Amish beards getting to second base with 10 year olds in the hot tub…. [Read More]

molester rec-plex st. peters

Why So Serious? Police Catch World’s Greatest Criminal Mind in East St. Louis

Posted on October 13, 2010 | The Editor

After 2 shootings, an armed robbery, and a car chase than ended in him rolling his car in to the woods, the fiendish plot of the greatest criminal mind since Lex Luther came to an end. If you were thinking about taking over the world by getting buck naked and shooting and ramdon people, think again! Stick to the basics: Death rays or creating your own Justin Bieber to infect the minds of the young with lesbian hair and horrible music. [Read More]

east st. louis shooting super villain