Larry Rice really likes it when all the homeless are in one place. He supported the now defunct “Hopeville” homeless camp, and just last week his new “Integrity Village” was quickly shut down by the city. Where will Larry try to herd homeless people to next? Ha, nice try! He’s not telling anyone this time!

“We’re taking this underground,” [Larry’s son Chris] Rice said, “We’re not going to tell you where we’re taking it. And it could be anywhere in the greater St. Louis area, where there’s access to transportation, water and electricity. And we’re not going to tell you.”

“…and the location will totally stay secret if I could get these people to shower and stop cooking rats over trash can fires. All that really adds up to a trail of stank right to our location.” Rice added…to himself…in his diary…probably.

The news conference also included several homeless people who claimed they were misled by the city when forced to leave Integrity Village. The homeless claim the city promised them a nice place to stay and they ended up on an “uncomfortable cot.”

You’re going to complain about the free cot because it wasn’t comfortable enough? You were sleeping under a tarp next to I-44! Considering we can’t afford nearly enough police officers, a free cot is really pretty nice of the city. Wait, is it just the one cot for all of you?!

You wanna know where you can go and no one’s going to care Larry? Three words: East. Saint. Louis. Over there you wouldn’t be a “tent village” you’d be the “nice new apartment complex”. Problem solved. You can even pretend to part the river when you walk “your people” across the bridge! Of course, that won’t happen for some reason (read: cost of cigarettes) though and eventually Larry will give up trying to keep the homeless in one place, and he’ll end up hiding homeless people throughout the city. The ultimate hiding place would be if he did a bunch of work instead of just marching around like a jackass and used his wig money to get them cleaned up and find them jobs so they could mix in throughout the area in low cost housing. You could be living down the street from a homeless guy and you’d never even know it!

“You know Fred who lives three houses down on the right?”

“Yeah, the one with the cutesy mailbox?”

“Yup…he’s a Larry Rice homeless guy!”

“Dude! No way!”

“Yup. Totally homeless.”

“Gross. We should leave flaming poop by his front door!”

via KMOX