The jovial fellow above is on Gabriel Williams, who has been charged with multiple burglary, robbery, kidnapping and weapons charges after a New Years Eve crime spree that involved kidnapping a Clayton couple and driving them to the nearby Schnucks to they could cash a check for him.

According to police, two suspects approached a man Saturday as he did yard work at his home in the 50 block of Arundel, in Clayton’s Demun neighborhood. The suspects, both armed, demanded money.

One of them remained at the house with the female resident, while the other ordered the man to escort him to the Richmond Heights Schnucks to get cash. While at Schnucks, the man alerted a security guard, who contacted Clayton and Richmond Heights police.

After leaving the scene of the Clayton crime, Williams jacked some dude in the street and was arrested soon after. …and you thought that your $5o all-you-can-drink deal at the bowling alley sounded like “The craziest New Years Eve ever!”, but you were wrong.

Williams bond is currently set at $200,000, but how do you not let a fellow this happy be on his way with a warning? Clearly the man loves what he does and isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Can’t we just be happy that young Gabriel has found a calling that he truly loves, and let these kidnapping charges slide? …aw, wait. What if there is a guy in the State Prison system that really loves raping new guys? Seems like we really shouldn’t deprive that guy of going to town on some little asshole who thinks kidnapping people is cool, so we’ll just let the system play out and see where this goes.

Plus, we really haven’t been happy since ABC stopped doing TGIF so f*ck both of these guys…even if they are totally going to be “Perfect Strangers”. Ha! Get it? A TGIF prison rape joke?! …because the one guys going to rape the other guy after he goes to prison for the Clayton kidnapping! No? Shut up, you suck.

via STLToday