Everything is on Facebook. Everything. Because of that little fact, its a great way to spend your Thursday night, going through things to see how popular they are based on their number of “Likes”.
For instance, we found St. Louis’ Mayor, Francis Slay‘s page rocking a pretty damn low 35 “likes”:
35! You know what has more than 35 likes? Sure you can name a bunch of popular people that have way more than 35 likes. Say Albert Pujols…
…who at the time of this writing, was rocking a cool 112,405 likes. Not too shabby, but naming super popular people is way too easy. We figured there had to be all kinds of lame crap that was still managing to pull down more Facebook popularity than our city’s mayor.
…we were right!
Take for instance the one-hit-wonder band made up of mostly identical genes, the Proclaimers. Famous, pretty much entirely, for the song 500 Miles (video) and even they have 1,427 likes.
Sweater vests, the clothing staple of old bald golfers and little “go-getters” at the office that say “Good morning!” way too loud and everyone says “Hey” back even though no one likes them, have a Facebook page…and nearly 700 likes. Crushing Mayor Slay who may or may not have a few sweater vets stashed away for “casual” Friday’s at city hall. Maybe after this he’ll ditch them out of spite.
Remember Chicago Hope? The medial drama from the early 90s that played the Generals to mega-hit ER‘s Globetrotters? Freaking show was on for 6 horrible years and even they pass up Mayor Slay with ease at 245 likes!
With only 71 likes, the competition is getting closer to our Mayor’s lowly count of 35 likes, but its still just over double so Butt Chin‘s popularity isn’t anything the mayor’s office can scoff at.
All of this is pretty damn embarrassing for the long time city head-honcho! Someone has to be less Facebook popular than Slay! Someone that made a quick name for themselves fueled by little white scrappiness, but just didn’t have enough left in the tank to last more than those first few months…who could that be…
Bo Hart, the former Cardinal that the hoosier, if not slightly racist, masses fell in love with one magical summer years back, and then upon closer inspection decided that he really couldn’t play baseball all that well. 6 likes! 6! Congrats Mayor Slay, you’ve managed to best Bo Hart in popularity by 29 likes. The only thing left to do now is to keep yourself from stabbing yourself in the face repeatedly with a fountain pen and going for a stroll in East St. Louis to take the pain away. Hang in there though Mr. Mayor! You’re a politician for god sakes, getting people to “like” you should be no problem. Of course, people are running against you this time so it might be more challenging than you are used to.
Maybe in a few years you can beat out Aaron Miles (127 likes)!
…oh, and we hate to bring this up but…
We beat you too with 531 likes. That being said, *ahem* we do currently trail the Proclaimers and sweater vests. Not embarrassing at all.
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