Maybe you haven’t heard because you only use your computer for Facebook and sending people eCards and viruses, but Google threw it out there a few weeks ago that they are trying to get in to the crazy-fast internet service game and basically said “Hey, United States cities? You want it? Show me what you got.” Which prompted just about every city in the union to lose their shit trying to convince Google to go to the internet prom with them. Hell, Topeka, Kansas basically became that first groupie to go down on Google, not because they are slutty, they just want to show Google how much they mean to them, by “changing” their city’s name to Google, Kansas. Whore.
St. Louis, under the leadership of Mayor Slay, are taking the coy approach. They know we want them, but we aren’t coming over. We are just going to stay on the other side of the bar, bat our eyelashes and keep sipping on our pink drink that tastes like bubblegum or something.
Its not like we don’t want to gossip about Google though…so His Mayorness set up a poll about the situation. Two things jumped out:
#1. There’s a question about your internet usage which just goes ahead and asks if you use it for porn.
14% stood up proudly behind the anonymity of the internet and said, “Yeah dude, porn is awesome.” Seems low. Also note below that only one more percentage of people use the internet for work email than watching porn. Love it. Look, when you’re football team sucks, you gotta do something on those cold winter Sundays.
The thing is though, is that you couldn’t choose more than one option, so if you wanted to choose porn, you were going all in.
#2. There’s a total shot at Charter in this poll.
In a reference to that slut Topeka’s name change to catch the eye of Google, the poll included a question about what we would think about St. Louis changing it’s name. Check out option number five below.
Bam! Nothing worse than slow porn and Mayor Slay knows it.
Our best hope to get asked out by Google is if we make him feel sorry and get the pity invite, like the high school quarterback asking out the girl with Downs Syndrome. Its not going to go anywhere, but we are just happy he knows our name.
via MayorSlay.com