With the All-Star game in our fair city this year, there will be more out-of-towners roaming the cracked sidewalks of St. Louis than normal and every other baseball city will churn out a “Your Guide to St. Louis” post in the next week. The first one we found was from The Chicago Tribune: “St. Louis: Your guide to the All-Star city“
This is a great baseball town. Cardinal fans know to applaud for a sacrifice bunt, especially when laid down by their pitcher. They know not to applaud when the other team ties the score on a sacrifice fly, even though it means an out for the opponent. They dress in red as if it were the only color on the racks.
Awww. Well that is really nice of you to say…oh…
And this is a terrible baseball town. The food at Busch Stadium, which opened in 2006, is especially bad; ask 10 Cardinal fans about the best grub in the park, and eight will say the nachos, which are basically the same nachos you find at every other park. Fans do the wave when their team is down by eight runs in the eighth inning. And the streets surrounding the park are largely a charmless sprawl of chain hotels, predictable sports bars and parking garages or vacant buildings.
You know what! …actually we can’t disagree with any of that. Particularly the thing about the wave. We really hate that about St. Louis.
Seriously, what the hell is it with people in this area and the damn wave? For some reason, pretty much any schmuck that plops their fat, jean shorts covered ass in a red seat in Busch Stadium immediately becomes susceptible to the whims of the first South County drunk-ass that stands up in the middle of section 425 demanding everyone do the wave, or worse yet, the kids’ church group that got bored with the game in the 4th inning because shockingly no one hit a foul ball to the seats right in front of the giant ass Hardee’s sign even though they all brought their gloves. Just for a second St. Louis think about any other place where you would go along with the whims of a hairy-backed drunk in a sleeveless t-shirt or a 8 year old? Exactly, nowhere. Then why would you do it at the ballpark!
You guys better not pull that crap at the All-Star game. We’ll be on national TV dammit. Keep your ass in the seats or we’ll never have company again!
Anyway, you can go read the whole article here, where they go on to extoll the virtues of some St. Louis better places to sleep and eat like the Moonrise Hotel and Blueberry Hill.