Traffic slowed for east-bound rush hour drivers Monday evening after a truck driver spilled his load all over the place, causing an environmental firm to come up and clean up the mess. If this sounds familiar, it’s probably because a different truck driver did the same thing to your mother last night.

The cargo was described as vaguely as “chicken parts”. Chicken parts that we’re assuming were scraped in to a pile on the road, with each one individually blown on while being held with two fingers…and then thrown back in to the truck. 5 hour rule dude. You’re not going to taste it after a few dunks in that think BBQ sauce packet anyway.

KMOX described the situation thusly…

For most of the evening motorists, East bound on I-70  in North St. Louis had to deal with what may go down as a once in a lifetime event.

Well hold on there skippy. This is hardly a “once in a lifetime event”. Not for this state. Not in this year.

February: Truck Spills 20 Tons of Mayonaise on I-44 Near Springfield

April: Tractor-Trailer Spills Mystery Meat All Over Highway 70 in St. Peters

June: Onions Spilled on Interstate 55 as Missouri’s Truck Spilled Sandwich Nears Completion

As you can see there at the end, we were pretty sure Missouri’s truck drivers were making a giant highway sandwich with the mayo, onions and meat…but “chicken parts”?! Now we’re not so sure. However, we are sure that spilling food or a food like substance in on a Missouri highway or interstate is far from a rare thing this year. Hell, we still have 3 months to go! Lots of time left for some ranch dressing or Easy Cheese spillage to put the finishing touch on this meal.

If anyone has some good recipes that use these ingredients, send them our way!

via KMOX

You know how you’re always saying how “corporate” submarines are these days and you think stuff like safety checks and stringent testing just takes to soul out of the metal tube you’re counting on to survive while you’re under water? Well we found that “indie” submarine you’ve always wanted dude! It’s only $800, but you do have to drive to Jefferson County to get it.

This sub works very well. Used many times and can hold up to 4 people. (if you squeeze). Powered by propane and natural gas. If your interested call Andrew anytime [number redacted]

Not sure why he’s selling it though, as a good homemade submarine is really handy here in the middle of the continent. However, we hear those lifeguards at the pool can be real dicks about bringing stuff like this in there. Oh so that little girl can take like three water noodels, but no submarine?! If they let something like this in the pool it could be really popular for fat kids. It’s the ultimate shirt you wear in the pool! You could probably even store some snacks in there…maybe one of those rotating hotdog machines. Andrew has chosen to market it to four dudes that don’t mind squeezing in together though, so he’s going a different direction. Each to his own.

Speaking of which, here’s the photo attached to the Craigslist ad:

Can you freaking imagine 4 people in there? “If you squeeze”?! No freaking way. What four guys would ever want to squeeze in to something like that?!

…oh, right. Well that really shouldn’t count. Anyone can squeeze their 4-man crew in to a little yellow submarine if two of them are dead.

via Craigslist and our tipster who may or may not have been Ringo.

There are all kinds of wonderful uses for the internet! To just name a few off the top of our head, there’s porn, midget porn, banner ads that have playable games, amputee porn, Wikipedia, the Mayor’s Twitter stream, and of course, Disney character porn (we both know you want to, but please don’t search for that until you’re home from work tonight). Over the weekend we found one more thing for that list: Asking random people questions.

Omegle.com is a site, much like the infamous Chatroulette, where you are simply auto-paired with another random user for a chat over video or text, but they are beta testing a new feature where one can ask a question, any question, and have two strangers debate the answer. After spending far too long asking questions like “Who likes boobies?!”, “Who let the dogs out?” and “What what in the ___?”, we got down to business and decided to ask John Q. Internet what they knew about our fair city. A St. Louis public relations spot check if you will. Here is a sampling of our results:

Classy. What are the odds we’d get someone from Kansas City on the first try?!

Well…um…actually this is…uh…ok, we’ve got nothing. It is what it is. Enjoy.

Yes, Pujols! Finally! Reactions like this makes you wonder if the Mayor’s quietly drumming up support for a Pujols tax to keep the one guy people know from St. Louis around after this season. If not, we might have to check on Louis from the video game Left 4 Dead‘s availability and skills with a first basemen’s mitt.

We can see the new tourism campaign now: “St. Louis: Your mom and the Arch…maybe.”

Time to get to work St. Louis! No one knows a damn thing about you! The silver lining is that people clearly don’t remember which city is probably leading the nation in “rusty knife stabbings for less than $20″ according to a recent magazine/paper/blog that scraped another top/bottom list our of the shitty idea bowl, so now’s our chance! Get out there and start PR-ing your ass off St. Louis! Oh and maybe it’s time for a new tourism video, because this last one we put out there is kind of a downer, and we aren’t really vibing on the acid trip down Sesame Street aesthetic.

A 100-pound steel plate fell off Busch Stadium Monday afternoon. It fell the height of the park, safely crashing to the ground below, proving that nothing with a Cardinal logo can seem to hit anything these days.

Crews roped off an area outside of Busch Stadium after a section of metal soffit fell to the sidewalk below after ground crews discovered the problem Monday afternoon.

Had the Cardinals been at home and the stadium filled with people, this metal plate would have just turned at least two hoosiers, an old lady, and one minority about to be the first in their family to go to college in to little more than sticky paste on the Busch Stadium sidewalk. The ridiculous amount of work it would take to scrap that paste out of all the little nooks in those engraved sidewalk bricks would only be second to the amount of work the Cardinals would have had to do to keep from being the poster boys of the new national “Oh god! Not even sporting events are safe for our kids!” hysteria.

You know, you go to a game, hang around a bit afterwards, and you see Red’s manager Dusty Baker standing on a ladder. You don’t think to yourself “Why is Dusty Baker on a ladder mumbling to himself about the Cardinals?” all you can think of is “Wow, I’m meeting Dusty Baker! Sure I’ll hand him that wrench he asked for! What could go wrong?”

via KMOV

An interesting court case is happening in Ballwin, where a man is fighting for free speech…of the speechless kind.

A Florissant man is fighting a ticket he got for giving the middle finger to another driver in Ballwin.

The man is fighting the ticket based on a similar case in Pittsburgh. That ticket was thrown out as a violation of free speech.

Holy hell! You can get tickets for that?! Luckily we’re a master of the sly middle finger. To think of all the double tickets we could have gotten if only the cop had noticed which finger I was rubbing my eye with makes us cringe, but luckily, we’re the best. There’s also the “point in a direction with your middle finger” trick, a total classic, the “pick your nose with a middle finger”, and of course the “interpretive dance with middle fingers up and flaying arms and legs”.

Even with all those tricks, we still find the direct approach to be the best with horrible drivers, and that’s why we here at Punching Kitty are fully behind our angry buddy here in his fight with the Ballwin powers for the right to tell another guy that he sucks ass at driving.

In fact, here’s to you Ballwin!

via KMOV

A squirrel who hopped in to the Ameren Illinois “distribution line” caused nearly 2,000 customers to lose power Sunday morning.

Ameren Illinois spokesperson Natalie Hemmer says a squirrel got into a distribution line Sunday morning, knocking out service to 1,904 customers.  Granite City was the area mostly affected.

Early thoughts were that the squirrel was suicidal over the lost of Macho Man Randy Savage, while others believed that the rodent was a fervent rapture believer and couldn’t stand the shame of seeing his fellow squirrels on Monday.

The squirrel died, just as Lindsay Lohan will some day…on its back, all fried looking, with a mouthful of nuts.

via KMOX