Did you know there is such a thing as “Ram Rules”? Well there is, and if you were hoping a bunch of numb-nuts in over-the-top Rams gear can go through the first 5 with you, then you just passed Ram Rule #0: Be so stupid you need instructions on how to cheer at a sporting event.

…earlier we mentioned those are just the “first” 5, and we say that no because we want to George Lucas all over this shit and make it worse, but because a there are clearly more than just 5 Ram Rules. Maybe they’re implied by the people that created this video, but actually…

Ram Rule #6: Implication is for nerds! Make stuff easy because we’re dumb!

Rams fans clearly need every instruction spelled out completely. What do we do if there’s a touchdown? Do we slow clap, make a lot of noise, or do a ramming action thing with your head that will just look like we’re all blowing each other on the TV broadcast?

Ram Rule #7: Don’t save your cheers for the long down-field pass to a wide receiver that actually catches it, because that’s just never going to happen.

Seriously, even if Bradford gets it down there, who’s going to catch it? Butterfingers Kendrick or Frying Pan Hands McGee? Don’t think so.

Ram Rule #8: Make sure you say stupid crap like “Dome-field Advantage” and “12th Ram”

Other popular sayings are, or will be, “Green Bay Rammed Our Asses Like Crazy Last Sunday” and “That shirtless guy two sections over sure is getting RAM-bunctious…oh and now he’s screaming at a 6 year old wearing the other team’s jersey. Fantastic.”

Ram Rule #9: Every time the Rams, in their 4-3 defensive set, blitz with the cornerbacks and they’re picked up by the other teams’ offensive linemen, but use an effective swim move to get past only to just barely miss the sack as the quarterback makes a 16 yard completion to their slot receiver up the middle, we wanna hear you yell: “Oh man I hate when that happens, they must have picked up our blitz package and we should think about putting some people in motion next time to draw the quarterback in to thinking we are falling back in to coverage, and what the hell was the secondary doing?! That guy was wide open!”!!!

Ram Rule #10: Always fall for marketing gimmicks.

A couple of years ago the Rams’ marketing team came up with a slogan like “Bring It” and we went 1-32 (or something), last year the theme was “Come see Sam Bradford play, maybe buy a hot dog and please don’t leave before the half” and we won 7 games. This crap doesn’t matter. Cheer however you’d like.

If you’re like us and know all there is to know about whatever the coolest video on the internet is, then you know about the video that was shot on the campus of USC that featured a couple going to town on the roof of a building.  Not super tall building either. You could see stuff…like the dude’s junk, and the un-daddy loved soul of the slutbag that agreed to get bent over on the roof of a building in broad daylight. Apparently there are also popular videos on the internet that don’t involve people having sex, but what’s the point in watching that? Do we have all day to watch the sexy ones and the not sexy ones? Please! You have to draw the line somewhere.

From Gawker from a couple a days ago:

Supposedly these two were getting it on while there were hundreds of people in the quad below during a “philanthropy event.” (There are even more graphic images of the hook up here if you’re interested.)

The video has, of course, taken off and it’s the talk of the USC population. So much so that a USC news website tracked down one of the “videographers” for an anonymous, voice-altered interview…guess which team the creepy friend that goes to get his camera everything you see anything weird roots for? The Cardinals!

Good luck staying totally anonymous when you rock your Cardinals shirt on a California TV interview! A Dodgers “shirsey” would have been the safter play despite any pre-ordained midwest team affiliations.

via Gawker

Oh look the RFT’s Music blog has an interview with some local rapper named “Corle 2 Da”…why does that name sound familiar?…

​You may have seen this excellent vid floating around the Interwebz in the past two weeks. “So St. Louis” is the work of one Corle 2 Da, a Belleville rapper looking to make his mark on this side of the river.

Belleville rapper…god this all sound so familiar. Wait! “So St. Louis”!? As in making it rain with singles “So St. Louis”?

No. This is the “excellent vid floating around the Interwebz”?! Jokes! Gotta be a joke.

“A lot of people call it the new St. Louis anthem,” says Corle’s manager Ron Boles, with Red River Entertainment. “We really are happy with it. We’re gonna put the video in Vintage Vinyl where people can buy it.”

The 30-year-old started rapping with friends at age 12. Though he was born in Alton and currently resides in Belleville, Corle considers himself a dyed-in-the-wool, Provel-eating, Cards cheering, Rams-lamenting St. Louisian.

What?! Seriously?! You’re interviewing him now? For reals?

“The whole area around here thrives off of St. Louis,” Corle says.

What the hell does that even mean?! It is St. Louis. We live in St. Louis. You can’t thrive off yourself. That would create a thrive loop and would probably lead to…crappy rap videos! Ah, it’s all so clear now.

“I’ve got a couple major labels looking at him,” [Corle's agent] says. “We didn’t even expect this, 7,000 hits in less than 2 weeks.”

Yikes. No mention that “German Soccer Coach Picks Nose and Eats It” has over 12,400 views or that “Sportscaster Jim Knox Shows Off His Ball Sweat” has over 36 thousand views in a week. No, no yours is good though. Still good.

Corle’s working on an album — he says it will be out in December or January — and plans to shoot another video in October for a new single called “Digital.”

Yea! New post material!

Getting back to the main point though: Why on earth is the RFT on this guy’s jock? Look the song isn’t Tina E bad, but come on, let’s me real here. There must be some reason why the Riverfront Times would be so infatuated with bad rap…

…I guess we’ll just never know.

See our full review of “So St. Louis” here!

We found this video via The St. Louis Egotist yesterday, and had to do the re-post. It’s really a very well done video with great shots of City Garden, City Museum, Forest Park, and all the other good places around town.

Notice how steady they keep the camera despite all the dead bodies and homeless people they had to step over to shoot it.

In what’s being called “the biggest news of your life,” the video mashing comedy stylings of Everything is Terrible! is headed back to St. Louis on July 2nd, with the debut of a new live show and their new movie entitled “2Everything2Terrible2: Tokyo Drift”.

Never heard of them? Good thing we have this blockquote for you.

Everything Is Terrible! was started in 2007 as a way for a group of friends with a serious VHS habit to swap footage. It has since evolved into a full blown internet phenomenon, appearing on Videogum, Gawker, Buzzfeed, The Daily What, The Huffington Post, The Onion A.V. Club, Boing Boing, NPR, MTV, Web Soup, and G4’s Attack of the Show! We were even in some newspapers (whatever those are) called the Chicago Tribune and LA Weekly.

Although there is still some distance between us and the show, we thought it would be a good way to kill time generically awesome to show you some of our top 5 Everything is Terrible clips.

1. Watch out for a knife in the face!

2. The first thing you need to know is that the internet is amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjrgpSdkChY

3. We love Duane!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9MnF3BMCmY&feature=player_embedded

4. Final warning this. (By “this” he means his crotch)

5. It’s time for cat massage! (You had to know this was coming.)

Found this fun little time-lapse video Sean Trani took while driving in to St. Louis a while back, for your Friday enjoyment as you watch the clock ticking…ticking… Can you believe it’s already 4pm?!

Nah. We’re joking. It’s only 2.

If you go poop for an hour it will be 3 when you get out though. Just a thought.