…this photo of Tony La Russa trying to put on a Sam Bradford jersey before the Rams took on the Saints!
We’re not sure if TLR was going for a a Edmonds-style half-shirt thing here, or after being in baseball for so long he’s completely incapable of putting on a jersey that doesn’t button down the front.
Update: Woah! …and Tony just retired. Wow. Apparently that jersey was really a bitch to take off too.
We present to you a few pie charts showing some relevant data but in the shape of pies because we both know you love pie. Maybe if you ate up science like you gobble down pie, you’d be working at that job you’d rather have. Something to think about, but today is a new day and you can have your lookin’ balls feast on fresh baked St. Louis science!
Our crack investigative team has uncovered an internal memo that Tony LaRussa sent his “underling” General Manager John Mozeliak apparently, just after the close of the 2010 season.
It’s been a rough go so far, and while no one knows what the rest of the season will hold, it appears that “Mo” has pleased his Hall of Fame manager boss by completing the plan just ahead of schedule! Nicely done John! You might have just earned yourself a back slap the next time you do your usual “feed Tony peeled grapes” post-game ritual.
What the hell had Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa so spooked in these Getty Image photos from Saturday’s game versus the Kansas City Royals?
A: It was just at that moment that someone realized that the freaking Rod Barajas is currently out-hitting Pujols.
B: They were both just told that the new movie “Beaver” isn’t exactly what they thought it was, and was actually about a crazy old racist actor trying to make a comeback with a puppet, instead of what we all really want to see him do to turn his career around, Air America 2.
C: Teammate Lance Berkman, possibly over-doing it a bit, decided to lighten the clubhouse mood by doing that thing from Silence of the Lambs where the guy has a wig, lipstick and a silk robe on while pushing his junk between his legs and asking if anyone would “f*ck me so hard“? [Editor's Note: Yeah, that's a link to the clip. NSFW-ish.] The stunt was off-putting from the front, but Tony and Albert were standing behind him.
D: Can’t. Look. Away. Hypnotized. By. Arm. Fat. Just let them score two so she’ll put her arms down!
In a triumphant return, Popeye Tony LaRussa reclaimed the bench and got the Cardinals back to their winning ways after getting swept by the hated Reds.
In fact, much like Popeye, Tony’s brother in squinty-eyed face grimacing, he too suffers from the awesome problem of just being to damn tough!
La Russa, after joking before the game that “I’ve been on vacation,” said, “The biggest mistake I made was in not treating the pain. I went through all that agony for nothing – just to prolong this stuff. I wished I’d taken the pain medicine sooner. I wasted a month.”
La Russa said he had feared there would be side effects and drowsiness if he took pain medicine and he had said, “You take one and then take two and take three. … I said I didn’t want to do that. I don’t like taking medicine anyway.
Well what do you know? Tony was a badass but then after something had him feeling a little weak, he popped some spinach (pills) and he’s right back in business, comically punching opposing baseball teams. All it took was one squinty eye for us to realize how similar Tony and Popeye have always been.
Hell, with forearms like that, Popeye looks like he played a stretch with the Oakland A’s on Dave McKay’s “conditioning” program.
via STLToday
The secret of Tony’s horrible, gross, game-missing eye lies within season two of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Below is an episode summary with added emphasis:
After Master Shake nearly destroys the house by leaving garbage everywhere (especially in Frylock’s room, whose entrance he has bricked closed), burning styofoam [sic], stockpiling chicken carcasses, and planting land mines in the hallway, Frylock becomes disgusted and moves to a condominium. Frylock throws a housewarming party, but none of the people he invites attend. Out of desperation, he invites the Mooninites, who show up only long enough to trash his place.
Meanwhile, Shake, Meatwad, and even Carl go blind from conjunctivitis (their eyelids get so puffy, they can’t see). Frylock stops by to see how everyone is doing, and upon seeing how they can not take care of themselves, he tries to help. However, he is angered by Shake’s egotism, and he abandons them once again. Soon, the house burns down.
Tony was, in fact, initially diagnosed with conjunctivitis and we have to wonder how much raw chicken baseball and Styrofoam burning Tony had going on behind the scenes.
Notice the part where the house burns down. Someone should really go to check on temporary manager Joe Pettini right now…like right now.
Watch the clip for proof!
Update: Oh wait, Tony has shingles according to the Detroit Free Press, which doesn’t sound as funny until you realize that shingles is a variant of herpes, which is kinda funny when you phrase it like “Tony has eye herpes.” It’s almost like Pujols’ f-ed up, skanky play banged Tony’s eye like a back alley Thai hooker.
