The Globe Democrat reports that a St. Louis Metro Police prisoner decided to end it all while the cops were at lunch or something recently.

The 32-year-old woman was taken into custody around 2:00 p.m. Tuesday in the 5400 block of Southwest Avenue for an outstanding bench warrants. She was taken to the south patrol area station where she was being held.

Around 3:00 p.m., the victim was found hanging in the holding cell. She had used an item of her clothing to hang herself. Police said they immediately took the woman down and contacted EMS. She was taken to a hospital where she was pronounced dead.

Ok, we’ll admit this is pretty odd.  Maybe the “south patrol area station” is also called “south patrol put broomsticks in places you won’t like station”, but if not that, we can’t think of why one would want to just up and hang yourself with your undies out of nowhere.

…wait.  Was this person really really really stupid?  Because if they were really really really stupid that could be the reason why they decided to hang themselves with their underwear.

According to police, the woman gave police the name of a relative instead of her own when arrested. However the relative whose name she used when falsely identifying herself turned out to have outstanding bench warrants.

Ok, so yeah. She was a moron. This broad decided to “fool” the cops my giving them a name of someone that had several outstanding bench warrants. Good job. The only better option would been if she would have told the cops “Look over there!” and then in the confusion she walked 5 feet to the right hoping the cops wouldn’t turn their head to the left slightly.

Someone this stupid probably wasn’t even trying to kill herself. She probably thought she was hanging her close to dry and forgot to take them off.

Lets say you are a sad Canadian that apparently wants to die.  Oh wait, lets also say you are a freaking moron…and oddly enough, have a pilot’s license.  What’s the suicide move?

Would you have decided to hop in a plane, and try to fly across the US border hoping to get shot down only to have that not happen, and then keep flying until you have to make an emergency landing in Missouri?

A despondant Canadian student pilot who stole a plane in hopes of being shot down when he crossed the U.S. border was sentenced Tuesday in federal court here to two years in prison.

A U.S. Customs and Border Protection plane and two Wisconsin Air National Guard F-16 fighters gave chase after Leon flew over Lake Superior and crossed the U.S. border.

Ignoring radio calls, plane-to-plane hand gestures and warning flares, Leon had wandered south in a 7 1/2-hour pursuit that triggered the evacuation of the Wisconsin Capitol in Madison and prompted alerts in a half-dozen Midwestern cities, including St. Louis.

This plan was flawed from the beginning.  We aren’t going to waste bullets shooting down a plan from Canada!  No way are we worried about that.  Especially in a recession!  We, as a nation, are saving our bullets for important things, like minorities or guys that pop their collar.

I guess this whole thing is really the Canadian government’s fault.  When people in America get sad, then go get a gun from a Wal-Mart or a guy selling them out of his van on the street corner, or just pick them up off the ground next to the last shooting took place and they get the job done quickly.  Good ole American efficiency.  The Canadians clearly need more guns around.  This guy wanted one, but after looking he just decided that “I’ll just steal this plane eh.” which we all know, not only turned out to be stupid, but now the guy is still alive, and also in a Federal “Pound Me in the Ass” prison.  Probably not exactly what he was thinking about I bet when he decided to try and relieve the pain of life and off himself.

via STLToday